Yogi BARE and a first side kit.

Let me start out this post by saying it will embarrass a lot of people. Me, my husband, my dad...even the reader may get embarrassed. If you often pee a little when laughing then you should make a trip to the bathroom real quick. Consider yourself warned.

I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll begin with a text message from my dad. He was watching the kids for me this evening while I got paint at Wal-mart.

Daddy: YOGI BEAR DOESN'T NEED TO BE STARTED FROM THE BEGINNING WOW WOW WOW

Me: I know!!!!! I meant to delete that movie!!!

Me: I was beyond mortified the other day!!!!

Daddy: YOU BETTER

Me: Jared did it.

Daddy: I had to make them go in your room while I was panicking and fumbling the remote

Daddy: Jared yelled "that's the movie Daddy wouldn't let us watch!"

Me: Hahahahahahahaha

Me: I'm dying right now, can't even talk to the paint guy

Daddy: Still shaking- they might as well drink tea now and take up smoking

Me: Hahahaha

Now I'll rewind to Friday...Jared recorded Yogi Bear for the kids in the middle of the night so that it didn't interfere with any other recordings. Wellllllll our DVR records the last 3 minutes of the movie or show that comes on before the one you are trying to record. YIKES!!!! Parents: Make sure the movie that comes on before the recorded movie isn't hard core porn. I couldn't press fast forward quickly enough! Why didn't I hit stop? Oh, I don't know. I couldn't think straight! And with every punch of the fast forward button came a new sex scene! Who plays Yogi Bear right after a porno?!?! Anyways, I forgot to delete the movie after I let the kids watch it. So Jared started it for them Sunday afternoon...he was aware of what happened so he had the kids leave the room while he fast forwarded it to Yogi Bear. He didn't delete the movie either. Sorry Dad. I couldn't even talk to the paint guy I was laughing so hard at the counter, I thought I was gonna pee in my pants!

Maybe that wasn't so embarrassing, and I bet no one peed their pants....but I almost did.

I finally made it home. Jared is at the Ranger's game tonight so macaroni and cheese with hot dogs it is!! I am constantly telling the kids to leave the kitchen while I cook...CONSTANTLY. And tonight they learned why. As I was stirring the boiling macaroni water I managed to splash a giant serving-spoonful down my side and hip. I screamed like I was in a horror movie, that flippin HURT! So all 3 kids stood there half laughing and half crying, unsure whether I was just being funny or just in a lot of pain...in an attempt not to scare them I started acting like a fool so they would stop crying and keep laughing. I think it worked. They learned a lesson, when mom says leave the kitchen you better LEAVE THE KITCHEN. Little Jared is so sweet (sometimes, haha) so he grabbed his "First Side Kit" (first aid kit) and informed me that this was his last giant band aid and I needed to refill his container. So I'm bandaged up, it hurts like a you know what though!

Part of me feels like our Yogi Bare-butt story should be kept within the family...but I can't not post about it, it's too funny. Way too funny....

I need a vacation.

Well we had another eventful trip to Costco yesterday. My list was short so my plan was to load everyone up around 10:30, go grab a few things and feast on lunchables (that's what Jared calls samples) and then have some giant hotdogs for lunch. All was well until Russell dropped his FULL Sprite on the ground :/. Still not that big of a deal...kids finally finish they're hotdogs and I grab my Diet Coke, which as you all know, is as good as gold to me. I load everyone up and kick myself as I realize that I have yet again forgotten to ask for a box at checkout. Such a rookie mistake. As I'm closing the back door I hear Wylee say "oops! Sorry mommy! I spilled my sprite." Uugghh....could be worse. It's worse :( its all over my seat and down in between the console and chair, and its not her Sprite. It's my "much needed-gonna save the day" Diet Coke. Shoot. Good thing I keep a 32 pack handy, AND we were having Frito pies for dinner so I had that to look forward to, right? No. Everyone cried about how the chili was spicy, Wylee only wanted the fritos, Russell was throwing his all over the walls and window (he even rubbed some in Jared's hair), big Jared was still full from lunch...whatever, I enjoyed mine. My story ends with Russell shoving his finger so far up MY nose that it starts bleeding (its still sore). It's Friday, yippie!! While

I may not survive Russell Owen.

Russell has been pretty busy since last week. I need a vacation. He was actually doing really well on Monday and Tuesday last week...then he had a well check at 8:30 on Wednesday. I thought I was being super-smart-mom by scheduling his 2 year check up at the same time as Wyatt's 4 month. Knock em both out at the same time, no need for a sitter! It turned out to be more like not-so-super-smart-mom. I got there 10 minutes early they open at 8 (I think) so I thought the wait would be minimal if I scheduled it really early. We enter the elevator with some guy who kindly held the door for us AND he let Russell push the button...but Russell pushed the HELP button. The lady answered and I explained that the button was accidentally pushed so she hung up (without saying goodbye, meany). This is a really good start. Then we sign in and sit down, but Russell decided to get a cup of water from the water cooler. I hate that water cooler. Within 3 minutes of being in the waiting room he was soaked in water. Soaked. But don't worry, we waited so long to see the doctor that by the time it was our turn he was dry and FURIOUS. Our appointment was at 8:30, I got there early, and by 9 I went to the desk to see why we were waiting so long. Russell wouldn't stop screaming and crying, I almost joined him. I'm not the type that gets angry with people over something that is out of their control but I came close. My nerves were shot and we still had to do 4 shots for Russell and 2 for Wyatt. Once we finally got called back into a room all hell broke loose. Our pediatrician is our family doctor so on the table are stirrups...ladies, you know what's up. There's a drawer full of tools that go hand in hand with the sort of appointment that you would need those stirrups for. Russell found all of these things highly entertaining and I was so embarrassed for some reason. He. got. into. EVERYTHING. The biohazard trash can, almost knocked the lamp over, which I think also goes with the stirrups, he banged on the keyboard, he tried getting all of the instruments down off the counter, he unrolled the paper on the bed like a roll of toilet paper... I couldn't contain him for the life of me and we were in there for an HOUR AND A HALF. So after all that, I got to lay across him and pin his arms down while he got stuck 4 times. He cried so hard his nose started bleeding while we were in line to leave. SO even though he was super naughty, he got a milkshake....

Wylee capped off the evening by shoving a bead up her nose. Wednesday did, in fact, come to an end which I wasn't sure that it ever would. I can't even remember Thursday and Friday. I know Jared made it on and off of the school bus so that's all that really matters. Next up is Saturday...

I don't know whose bright idea it was to give the kids pie after lunch and then leave the table before they finished, but this is what happens when Russell is unattended at the table with Chocolate Creme Pie:

Sharing some pie with his best pal.

Smearing pie in his own hair. Two seconds later...

eating pie out of his own hair.

He's not crying, he's super excited and I caught him at the perfect moment.

Jared took him outside and hosed him off. I'm not sure why but Russell skipped a nap on Saturday but he had extra time to misbehave. He filled little Jared's cup up with ice and water and walked into the living room where I was laying on the ground playing with Wyatt and he DUMPED IT on my back. A little later on baby Jared started cracking up at the back door and in walked Russell BUTT NAKED. He decided to take his diaper off at the back door before he came inside. Most people just take their shoes off, but alright. Then I heard the bathroom water running which usually means he's making a big mess. Nope. He took his diaper off again and was sitting in the sink filling it up with water and hand soap. I took pictures but I won't be posting them :)

Ew I forgot, Friday WAS a big day for Russell. I dunno how this slipped my mind. 2:30 in the afternoon I decided to give the house a good vacuuming...2:45 in the afternoon I realized I hadn't seen Russell recently and Wylee was asleep (in timeout). I started in Wylee's room and he wasn't there, so I went to his room. Empty. My stomach drops and I feel a little sick, not cause I think something bad has happened to him, but I KNOW that he is up to no good. So as I'm headed towards my bedroom Russell comes running out with an Orange Sharpie marker, a new orange uni-brow and neck beard to match...along with some fancy orange arm hair. The knots have been validated and I am literally SCARED to walk into my own bedroom to see what else he colored on. I start at the computer desk where he has scribbled on the baby monitor and some paper...not as bad as I thought...but then I see the bathroom. This picture doesn't show the toilet or the whole bathtub but he tagged those, too. The bathtub was all around the edge and down into the tub. That little turkey scribbled on my newly painted bathroom wall!!!!! I panicked cause Jared was going to be home soon and our realtor was coming Saturday morning to look at the house so we can list it. I turned to trusty facebook where several people told me to use a dry erase marker, so that's what I did...not like I could make it much worse than it already was. I got it off of the toilet and bathtub completely and it dulled it on the wall. I ruined 4 dry erase markers in the process. Jared got home and asked me why I didn't just paint over it, lol, oh duh. I don't know.

Stinker.

As he watched me scrubbing the wall I told him he was a bad boy and deserved a spankin...so he called me a bad boy and actually did spank me. Saturday I found him admiring his art work and when he saw me he pointed his finger at me and called me a bad boy again and then spanked me on his way out the door.

Can't remember anything from Sunday. But on Monday he threw a handful of my jewelery into the toilet. Wouldn't have been THAT big of a deal if Wylee hadn't peed in it and forgot to flush. I didn't even want to wash it off...into the trash it went (Thanks for fishing it out Jared, haha). That brings us to today which hasn't been too exciting. He's just been jumping off the coffee table and climbing on things, the usual. Thank goodness cause I need a break from the naughtiness!