I sprang for the laughing gas

All 4 kids are officially in SCHOOL. As of a month and a half ago, I am a free-ish woman. It's glorious! I have time to do things that I haven't been able to do in 10 years without getting a babysitter. Like, go grocery shopping alone. Or, I don't know, go to the dentist. I went to the dentist for a cleaning. You know what they told me? They told me I hadn't been in for a cleaning in 6 YEARS! Well, Russell is 7 and Wyatt is 5.5 so yeah, that sounds about right. I can't take those two anywhere without a struggle so going to the dentist was just pretty low on my list of priorities. Turns out I had a broken tooth and needed a crown, and 2 fillings. All on the same side. I'm a free woman though so YEAH, lets go ahead and schedule that dental work! When am I free? ANYTIME! As long as it's in the morning, though. That appointment rolls around and I have to cancel it because I forgot that I'm only free-ish and I had a little boy at home barfing. The next appointment rolls around and I had accidentally volunteered to work the afternoon shift at the book fair...this will be fine right? Yeah, it'll be fine. I stroll on into the dentist office that morning and I sit down in the waiting room for about 2 minutes then I get called back. I love this dental assistant. She's only been there since I was like 5! We go way back. We do x-rays (still haven't come up with a better way to do those), makes me gag a little, eyes are watering some. No big deal. Time to go sit in the chair and do some other dentally stuff. She is sneaky. She makes conversation with me and as I finish my sentence she shoves this thick goopy stuff into my mouth and tells me to bite down real hard. I don't know what it's called but I guess they were making a mold of the teeth to make the crown. It was blue, and it was mushy. All I could think of was "this HAS to be what it would feel like if you bit into the outside of a peed in diaper". Now my eyes are REALLY watering, gag reflex is strong. Gave me nightmares. I asked about the gas because I thought I had like 45 minutes of dental work ahead of me but IT IS NOT CHEAP. So I said never mind, lets just see how I do. She numbs the side of my mouth and in walks the dentist. I'm pretty anxious so I asked if there was a "too late for gas" mark cause I think I'm gonna need it. Yep, lets do it. Give me the laughing gas. She gets me all set up and he leaves for a minute while she does, so I asked when I would know that it was working and she said "Oh you'll know, don't worry". Oh, ok nice. Y'ALL. She was right. I knew. Like, 1.5 minutes later I KNEW. I do not drink. I haven't drank since 2008. She said it would feel like I had a glass or two of wine, I'd be feelin alright. YEP. Nailed it! Bring that man back in here, let's get the drilling going, I'm ready! This will be a piece of cake. Just a few shots in the gums, gas has already paid for itself as far as I'm concerned. The best way I can describe this is to just go through my thought process. My mouth IS numb but those needles DO seem big. Doesn't matter. I'll just close my eyes. NOPE, can't do that! Felt like I was at Six Flags...better keep them open. Where do I look? The light is so stinking bright, I'll stare at his face. That's really weird but I'm gonna do it anyways. Where are his EYES?! Why can't I see his eyes?! It's like he has no soul. I need to blog about this. This is EXACTLY how I will write about this. WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW? His eyes are just black. Ok, I'll look to the other side of the light, its so sunny outside, patio weather. Ok I'll just close my eyes again. Stay tough, it's not a roller coaster, you are not drunk, he DOES have a soul. Dentists have souls and feelings. The drilling would be so much worse without this gas. Then he stops, and he sits me up and says lets take a little break. HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN!?!? She asks if I'm still feeling ok and I just nod and I have no idea how much time passes but I kind of thought I was done and the dentist pokes his head back in and says "how ya doin in here?" and I am feeling GREAT and I want him to know how great I am so I throw him 2 thumbs up, except laughing gas, and I throw my two thumbs up right into the tray that holds all of the little tools and such and startle myself and then start laughing while I loudly say WHOOPS! Didn't even see that metal tray above my waist! Good, time to move on to part two! Ohhhh, ok. We weren't done. Little bit of drilling and wiggling and loud noises and something with blood on it and the numbness starts to wear off so I think they gave me another shot, I can't be sure but the laughing gas is ON, I know that much. I think about squirrels and life in general, and how this dentist office used to have a parrot in it, didn't it? WOW this gas was such a good idea. I mean, my dentist may not have a soul because his eyes are dark holes but at least I'm not panicking. I can't figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with my tongue but I feel like it's rude on my part if I don't TRY to keep it out of the way. I have no idea what I was doing but in my mind I was holding my tongue off to the side. Being polite. I think maybe the gas has worn off, NOPE....no it has not, WHO IS CONTROLLING THIS?!?! I feel like maybe there is a little peddle and just pumps it a few times when it looks like I need a little more. I have no idea what the process is. I question all of my life choices up until this point in time. I examine them all. At least it felt like I did. And then it was finally over. She sat me up, took the gas off, and I sat there until I felt like I could stand up and walk into the waiting room. I feel like I have just relived every night in college. I'm trying to keep calm on the outside cause I already flipped the tray of tools, but on the inside I'm thinking "WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!?!?!?!" The left side of my face was droopy and sad and I talked with a strange lisp that didn't wear off for hours but I still went and volunteered at the elementary school, because, obligations and all. PROBABLY should have just gone home instead. I don't know, long story short, the laughing gas is worth it.

Still a boy mom

Somewhere in Heaven, there is a a very special place. You won't find just anyone there. Just a select crowd of women. It is a place where mothers of boys are gathered. And like I said, it is SPECIAL...so special, because little boys are special. They aren't special in an ordinary way either, no...they are special in a way that not everyone can fully grasp. They are special in a "what the hell?!" kind of way. I know that not all little boys are created equal. But in my very own, three times over, special boy mom experience......I am whooped. Wyatt broke a melamine plate with his forehead last night while waiting on dinner. Wyatt is 3. Wyatt peed in 3 different places TODAY, none of those places were the actual toilet and NONE of those places were accidents. I know dad, I know. Right this moment in your head you are saying "whip his butt!" and you're laughing. Russell came down the stairs saying "my hand is covered in blood!!!" but in his other hand he's holding a red marker with the cap still off. 30 minutes later Wyatt comes down the stairs saying his face is covered in blood...with a blue uncapped marker in his other hand. SOMEONE ruined my iPad today. No one knows who did it, but a BOY had it in his hands when I found it shattered. It did last me 3 years without ANYTHING going wrong with it so I am actually really impressed. Boys love guns, especially BB guns. A vacuum cleaner finds a BB in the carpet like my foot finds a single lego in the middle of the night while I'm creepin down to the kitchen because all I want is a stack of oreos and a cup of milk to enjoy ALONE. Because sometimes that's all I want. Just some peace and quiet and oreos. Boys fill their pockets with stuff. Just a bunch of STUFF. Today I decided that as each pair of Little Jared's shorts come out of the dryer, I'm gonna whip stitch every single pocket SHUT. I found 14 fuzzies (pom pom balls used like money at school), a pair of ear buds (2 other pairs have gone through the wash and dryer in the last 2 weeks), and tortilla chips. TORTILLA CHIPS. Sometimes I find things that make me think that he realized his pockets were empty and the day was almost over so he just grabbed the closest thing he could find and stuffed it there. For good measure. Action figure weapons, rocks by the truck load, pennies, teeny tiny little toys that comes from who knows where, legos (of course), rubber bands, crayon wrapper shreds, crayons, snack wrappers, small washers, little nuts and bolts, marbles, any little tiny piece of metal anything, also anything shiny, bottle caps, lose fruit snacks, things that I don't even know the names of, paper clips, lose staples, glue stick lids, pen caps. All of it. I've found all of those things either in the pockets or in the washer, and sometimes they make it all the way to the dryer.

I started this post nearly 2 YEARS AGO. I don't know how I planned on finishing it but I'm going to post it anyways!

Do you wanna build a....SHUT UP

Apparently I wrote this March 5th and it never published. So here ya go.

Another snow day. I was actually rooting for a snow day last night because I LOVE turning my alarm off but if the kids don't really let me sleep in than I there is no point really. We had 2 snow days last week, then I kept them home for a 3rd because I really uncomfortable with our roads out here and then Friday they were released early because of the weather and now here we are....another snow day. I usually am a complete party pooper and I will try so hard to convince the kids that they don't really want to go outside and play in the snow because 2 minutes into it their gloves are wet and their shoes are wet and their jeans too and after 20 minutes they are all freezing and crying and have red faces and they want ME to make them hot cocoa so they can warm up. I'm just far too lazy for all of that, not to mention all the extra laundry that's involved. By lunch time though I figured I just didn't care and if they wanted to go out then fine, go out, build a flippin snow man and call it a day. So they did. Wyatt decided he would rather take a nap on the couch though, which was pretty weird but I think maybe he just didn't feel like putting clothes on. I even WALKED OUTSIDE AND TOOK PHOTOS. I must have a fever. Moose ate every single one of the snowmen that they built. Jared ended up building 2...Moose ate them both. Wylee finished hers and I took pictures and then Moose ate hers too which royally pissed her off. Russell never could quite make him but he gave it a good effort. Moose enjoyed the snow BIG time...last week he hated it.

When they were done with the snow Wylee wanted to color a picture for her teacher BUT she needed to glue two pieces of paper together so that she could make it BIG. Then Russell wanted to color, so she helped him glue his sheets together. I look over and Russell is gluing things to the palm of his hand. A crayon, a slinky dog toy (which didn't work), a sheet of paper, and I don't know what else. I told him to quit it and start coloring.....well he decided to glue his crayons to the paper instead. ANNNNDDDD this is why I'm scared for Russell Owen's future Kindergarten teacher. He's almost 5 years old and he still can't be trusted with a glue stick.

There's a good chance that you already read about this incident on Facebook, but I know there a few family members that aren't on there. Here's what happened when we finished eating dinner last night...

Jared (husband Jared, not child Jared): I'll give you $100 if you let me crack 3 eggs on your head.

Me: $100 American dollars?
Jared: Yes, American dollars, I get to crack 3 eggs on your head AND you can't get mad. 
Me: Let me see the $100...
Jared: do you honestly think I'm not good for it?
Me: good point. But what's the catch? I feel like there's a catch.
Jared: ok, so deal?
Me: Deal...

Egg #1, not too terrible but startling for sure. Kinda thought he smashed all 3 at once so egg #2 REALLY surprised me...then it all starts slowly dripping which is freakin nasty as crap AND THEN he takes the third egg and puts it away because our deal was 3 EGGS FOR $100!!!! I should have seen that coming. I mean, my gut was telling me "don't fall for this Elaine...you know better. He's too cheap to go throwin hondos around. Is that what people call hundred dollar bills? Hondos? I'm not sure anymore. There has to be a hidden agenda." then my mouth said "DEAL!" before my brain could process everything. Took forever to get those egg shells out.

I'm not sure I'm really ready for Spring Break next week. Usually I am but this year....I think we've had quite enough togetherness to last us a while. I am amazed at the amount of things that they can find to tattle on each other about. If they have nothing to tattle about then they either just make something up or pick something to whine about until I lose my mind. Actually, I took the boys to target yesterday so clearly I already have lost my mind. It was about as unenjoyable as you can probably imagine. BUT we did get a picture with the Target dog, which was apparently a very exciting thing.

Did he just say I'm bald?

You guys. If you want to completely make parenting worth while then you HAVE to buy Bean Boozled Jelly Bellys. I've had them hanging around the house all weekend but telling the kids that NO, they could NOT have any. The anticipation was killing them. Somehow the wrapper just "fell off". No one knows how that could have happened. Wyatt "accidentally" opened the box. Sunday afternoon I caught Wyatt sticking a black one in his mouth, it was too late to stop it and it was too late to grab the video camera.....it was either going to taste like licorice or skunk spray. I was praying for licorice. It was licorice. About 10 minutes later he quietly got another one out of the box, this one was either going to be baby wipes or coconut. It was the better one. I put the box up high so no one could get to them. Little Jared stayed home from school today because he has been coughing like crazy. The boys BEGGED me to let them eat the jelly beans in the little box. I couldn't hold off any longer so I agreed. I made room on my ipad for a few videos and I dumped them all out on a tray for easy access. Wyatt had already had 2 and hadn't had a nasty one yet...the odds were in my favor. It. Was. AWESOME.

They also have a version that comes with a spinner and you have to pick the color that it lands on, so hilarious! I had the pleasure of playing this game after Tosha and Kimber's baby shower not too long ago. I haven't laughed that hard on so long. It's really fun and disgusting. 

After they quit trying their luck with jelly beans we headed out the door to Rockwall Urgent Care. Loved listening to Wyatt tell me 24.5 times that he wanted a sucker (he got interrupted when they called Jared's name) and explaining to him 24 times that he had to wait until we went through the door and passed the suckers. That Wyatt. When we got in the examination room he got up in Jared's face saying "Lemme see your pink eyes..." hahaha. Jared told him that he didn't have pink eye anymore and that place was for a lot more than JUST pink eye. Duh. After Russell and Wyatt opened and shut the door a handful of times (to spy on anyone in the hallway) the doctor came in.....

You would think that Wyatt wouldn't embarrass us seeing as he was eating a sucker when the guy walked in. Nope. He tilted his head to the side, squinted his eyes, and POINTED his finger and said "your BWOWWWN" (while shaking his head up and down the entire time that he talks)

DR: "What?"

Wyatt: "you bwown"

DR: "What is he saying, mom?"

Me: I'm just laughing too hard to be able to speak

Wyatt: "YOU BWWWWOOOOWWWWNNNN"

Dr: "Huh?"

Just as I am about to tell him that Wyatt is letting him know that his skin is brown...

Dr: "Did he just say I'm bald?! Well yes, I am bald...You kind of look bald cause your hair is so light"

Me: face buried in my own lap laughing

Wyatt: "NO, I not bald. YOU BWOWN!"

Me (desperate to make him stop telling the black man that he's brown): "What does PaPa call you, Wyatt? He calls you cotton top because your hair is so white, doesn't he?!"

Wyatt: "No."

Awesome. I almost died right there at Rockwall Urgent Care. I'd have to say that this wins the "highlight of my day" award. Bean Boozled should have had it in the bag. I guess that means I had a pretty good day!

Moms and kids.

Russell: (Holding a tiny card open and pretending to read it) I gave my pet to my very old, old grandma. And that's you.

Me: I'm an old grandma?

Russell: Yes.

I am ALWAYS the grandma in the games! ALWAYS. Or they call me a little old lady. Wylee plays a game called "moms and kids". I'll explain it just so you don't get confused. She's a mom....and she has kids. Moms and kids. I assume there is another mom somewhere. It isn't me though, because I am the GRANDMA and she is ALWAYS pretending like she can't watch her own dang kids cause she has to go to the store or go to school or set up for a party. I'm really not good at playing "pretending" games. I can't help it, I'm a party pooper. Mainly because they all tell me exactly what to say and whats going to happen next and how the game will end and they ask me things like 'what should my baby wear today?' but then when I answer they get on to me and tell me what they wanted me to say. All of them. "No. No, mama. This time when I ask you what she should wear you say 'ohhhhh, I don't know the pink pjs are sweet'...say that ok." Ok. Yes. I'll get it right this time...MAYBE.

If I'm not the grandma then I'm a stranger that they are telling their life's story to. Guess what, their mom is always DEAD. 90% of the time my kids are playing, they have knocked me off. Usually I get run over by a car while I'm walking in the street.

Today, Wyatt said he was the dad and he told me NOT to ask him if he needs a new diaper because dad's don't wear diapers...they wear panties. He also made me put a pillowcase over his head and then he carefully sat down on the ground and tucked his legs and feet inside, too, and started snoring. I guess he was camping, I don't really know. He then made a few pretend phone calls (normally I am supposed to be on the other end of the line). I got snapped at for answered a pretend phone. "NO. NO MAMA....I making calls. NOT YOU." Well, ok then. How about I just NOT play and watch you play, because that's more fun. You know what isn't fun? Getting yelled at by a 2 year old because you aren't talking on your banana like its a phone. Cause that also happened this morning. And anyways, I'm holding a grudge against Wyatt. The other morning he was under my covers and he started flipping out and throwing the comforter off of him so I freaked out too cause I didn't know WHAT was happening. He said he didn't want that cover on him cause it was covered in boogers. *Make a really confused face* What? I told him it was NOT covered in boogers and he said (more like yelled) "UH HUUUUHHH. It IS covered in boogers!!" and I said "Why do you think that?!?!" and he said....... "BECAUSE I'VE BEEN PICKING MY BOOGERS OUT OF MY NOSE AND PUTTING THEM THERE." Well now I'm speechless. And disgusted.

And then they found a stamp. So there's that.

Little boys don't belong at baby showers.

Sometimes Wyatt will come up to you panting. He isn't out of breath...he's about to lick you like a dog.

Sometimes you will run into me at the store with my kids and I will smile really big and sort of flail myself around to signal to you that ''all is good! just need some food to slave over, put on plastic kid plates, scrape off into the trash while they tell how much they haaattteee vegetables, and do all over again 3 times a day 7 days a week.'...' but what I'm REALLY signalling to you is ''I am completely loosing my mind and I think you catch my drift but these other people don't HAVE to know that I'm a little insane right now so please come encourage me!''. 

Sometimes when you see us on the second row at church sitting smack dab in the middle of the chapel so that the Bishop and the rest of the ward will be sure to see us, it isn't because we like to have the best seat in the house...we use it as leverage to get the kids to stop acting like morons. "THE BISHOP IS WATCHING YOU RIIIIIGHHHHTTT NOOOOWWWWWWW" or "EVERYONE behind us just saw you try to climb onto the top of my head and threaten to stick up your middle finger." or "your primary teacher just saw that nasty face you just made at your brother right before you poked his eyeballs out." Things like that. CLEARLY it works well....

Sometimes Russell will lay next to you in bed and tell you to kiss his finger, so you do, because he probably has a boo boo...but then he laughs and says he just scratched his butt with that hand. Nothing says 'good morning, mommy, I love you.' quite like that.

Sometimes you will think that taking your kids to a baby shower is a decent idea. You only have 2 out of the 4 of them so really, how bad could it be? It could be bad. Like coughing on the food, fighting over the lemonade, eating all the m&ms, falling off the stool and hitting your head, pulling your skirt up from behind and ending it with a straw full of pink lemonade down your mom's back kind of BAD. Bad. Because, 4 year old little boys just don't belong at baby showers. Especially when they are expecting an actual shower with a baby in it. 

And SOMETIMES your 2nd grader comes home with a letter saying he was accepted into the school's GT program and your Kindergartner brings home a cute little sign saying she has mastered her kinder words and has moved on to 1st grade words...and then you hear Russell behind you talking to the dog and he whispers "first bump" to him and runs off to play. Wyatt is half naked with a poop diaper that he is denying right now, so no real accomplishments for him yet today.

Butt fights are normal...

Do you ever have those mornings, or afternoons, when you finally get home with the groceries and you're so over it that you rummage through to find the cold items, shove them somewhere in the fridge so that they fit good enough for the door to stay shut and then just leave all the other crap on the counter? Me too. That's today. We weren't in the store for 10 minutes before Russell started throwing a MASSIVE fit. I have no idea why. Actually I think it was because he wanted a donut and I stopped to look at some work out clothes (that's right, Jared and I are working out at night. What, What!). So, I'm pushing one cart that has Wyatt in the front and a screaming Russell in the basket, and I'm pulling another cart with all of the groceries. Wyatt is being super well behaved so Russell started to lift the part of the basket that flips inside the cart so the carts can shove together. You know that part? Well, he is squishing Wyatt when he does it so now Wyatt is crying too. I move Wyatt to the front of the grocery basket and now Russell is just FUMING. He is screaming at me to "just get out of this family", and "I WANT A DONUT RIGHT NOW". He's yelling at me to just leave him at the store. I told him that I couldn't do that because Wal-Mart doesn't allow you to just leave without your children, and someone would just bring him back to me anyways. For at least 15 minutes straight he kept crying over and over again, "I waaaaant a dooooooonut". Then it happens. You see someone you know. Well she saw me, I was looking for the cheap spaghetti sauce. You hear your name and you remember that your kid is acting like a fool and you're not even paying attention to him anymore and you think "well that's just great...there goes any chance that I had at the Mother of the Year award." I got lucky though and turned around to see that it was sweet sister Thurgood. She's Wyatt's nursery teacher at church and he loves her! I'm telling her that "this is a nightmare" and Russell climbs out of the basket, arms around my neck, and now I guess I'm giving him a piggy back ride. For like 10 minutes. He's still crying for a stupid donut. Wyatt is taunting him by saying, "I a good boy. I get donut. I not crying like Wussell." Ugggghhhhhh. That's what I think about shopping with kids. Ugh. Oh well. What's new, right?
Wyatt JUST told me "Mommy, I peed in my poop." That's nice Wyatt. I guess I have to change your diaper again now. Oh, what's that? You're pushing again? Awesome. I changed him just 20 minutes ago when we got home. I told him to follow me to the playroom so I could change him and he said "let me do it"....do what? I just kept walking. Apparently he was trying to take his jeans off WHILE he was walking so he tripped and busted his lip on the kitchen floor. By the way, even after your baby is done teething, you should keep a couple of the small teething rings in the freezer. Its way easier to get them to stick one of those under their lip than a baggy of ice.
I wanted to post yesterday but I couldn't bring myself to sit down and do it. Wyatt covered the office in "tickets" (sticky notes). The boys keep ending up completely naked. At least once a day. I've said it before but I will say it again. Boys are just weird. They have butt fights. What is a butt fight? Why, its where you see who can rub their butt on the other one the most. Duh. Its been almost a week since their last butt fight so I'm sure there's one brewing. I barely got them in undies and a diaper last week to pick the kids up from school. And things like this happen...

              

 I have no explanation for his, but he tried to clean my ears out next....with the q-tips from his 

NOSE. They definitely had snot on them, in case you may have been wondering.

 Speaking of noses. After the butt fights ended Wyatt came walking up to me with a TAMPON APPLICATOR in his mouth. (Don't be too grossed out, I had a hysterectomy in August and I have definitely taken the trash out since then.) After I gagged and then laughed I asked where it came from and Russell showed me. Then I remembered that someone threw a Rubbermaid lid at Russell a while back and his nose started bleeding so Jared shoved a tampon up there cause toilet paper wasn't doing the trick. Little Jared couldn't stop giggling. Big Jared asked him what was so funny (you mean OTHER than the fact that your cramming a tampon up our 4 year old's nose?). Little Jared (still giggling) said, "Uhhhhhh, aren't those things that only girls are supposed to use when they pee?" Russell got super embarrassed after he heard him say that and Big Jared assured him that no, they weren't just for girls when they go pee. So off he went, with a tampon hanging out of his nostril. I'm not even kidding. Then Little Jared wanted to know what they were really used for if they aren't for when girls go pee. Bloody noses. That's all. Bloody noses. So that's where the applicator came from. Oh, and at our house we call them tampins, like Hank Hill. So you can re-read that paragraph if you want and say 'tampin' instead of tampon and its even better. Even the kids say 'tampin'.

Russell was playing tug-a-war with Moose yesterday and his arms got really tired so he went to get something else for Moose to play with. He told me not to watch him. So I did not. Then he said "Ohhhh Mommmmy, do you like my boobies?!" And he strutted the entire way. Giggling. I said yes, he had very nice boobies. Then he moved them closer to his belly button and laughed even more. He has a few decades until he needs to worry about that. He was in a sharing mood I guess. He took the tennis balls out of his shirt and told me that I could use them so that I could have boobies too. I'm not sure if this was his nice way of saying "here, these should fit your bra, problem solved" orrrrr maybe I was putting off an envious vibe? Then he dropped one and it rolled across the floor so Moose chased it and Russell ran after him yelling "My boobie! No! Give me back my boobie Moose!" while he secured the right one under his shirt by holding onto it. I can't even handle it. Hey Jared, thanks for showing the boys how you can make round things look like boobies if you shove them under you shirt. Okay. In a perfect world Russell wouldn't be saying the word "boobies". But nothing is perfect. Except that moment, it was hilarious. Then he came back with 3 balls under his shirt and proudly said "look at allll my boobies :)! I have so many!" I'm jealous.

By the way...when I asked Russell to put his plate in the sink last night he told me that he couldn't because "his hands had a bad headache". Poor thing, sounds pretty serious. Has anyone else experienced this pain? I dunno, I think maybe he made it up so he wouldn't have to clear his plate....I may never know.

8 years of wedded....bliss?

8. Years. That's like going through high school twice. That is a LONG time, but not really that long because it still feels like we are in the beginnings of it. We're still learning how in the world a marriage works. Some days we are spot on, other days it looks like we drug our marriage out into the middle of a muddy field and did donuts on it. I hear that's normal. I'm glad. 

What a crazy 8 years. 4 kids, 395 dogs, a cat, a horse, (you wont let us have a fish because of that time in college that I bought that aquarium and all those little neons and bright fish and the next morning half of them were floating, so we replaced them and those all died too cause apparently I didn't feed them enough). Well I have news for you pal...everyone deserves a second chance and I think I'm ready for another fish dadgumit. I haven's forgotten to feed the kids for 7 years so I think I've proven myself. I lied yesterday when I said I wasn't expecting an anniversary gift. Well, I didn't lie, I have changed my mind. You better come home with a fish bowl and something OTHER than a beta in it buddy. Our next 8 years together depend on what I see when you walk through that door this evening. And I don't want a stinking goldfish either. I want something bright and pretty to look at. Be sure to ask the fish guy if our new pet will be happy all by itself. If he says no, well then you better bring home 2 fish. I can do this.

Marriage is fun isn't it? I suppose if you don't start popping 89 kids out right off the bat then it would be a little MORE fun but we like a challenge, obviously. Or at least I like a challenge, I did marry YOU after all :) 

Wedded bliss doesn't occur 365 days a year. It might not even occur 182.5 days a year, but I can tell you when I have known what wedded bliss feels like. July 30, 2007. December 5, 2008, February 16, 2009. February 28, 2010. July 16, 2010. April 10, 2012....and a whole bunch of other dates that I'll never remember. It took me 23 years to gain my very own testimony of our God, on Feb. 16th you threw together my baptism in less than a day. I cherish my testimony more than anything and I love that no one can take it away from me. I love that you never ever once tried to force a baptism on me. Getting sealed as a family in the Dallas Temple a year later was another day of wedded bliss. All 4 of our babies, so brand new and sweet and healthy....except for that one that has a murmur and a hole in his heart, he's not as healthy as the others, but he's healthy enough for us! As I laid there on the operating table, guts sitting on my chest, throwing up on myself, eyes tightly shut so that I might not catch a glimpse of my guts in the reflection of the giant light hanging right above me. I would crack them open every once in a while to puke or desperately get your attention so you would scratch my entire face off because the anesthesia was ruining my life....well those moments HAD to have been wedded bliss because not only would you watch the entire c-section but you would have conversations with Dr. Nelson as he was working on me. And you were still happy and smiling even with my intestines just a short distance away from your face. Yeah, that's definitely wedded bliss. You keep buying me puppies even though they just. keep. dying. Moose is sturdy though, he's gonna make it. I can tell. Like all of the others I will love him to death...but not literally. Because that makes me sad. I hope you don't give him away while I'm out for the day. 

And just like our puppies, I will love you until the day that you die. Unless I die first. And I will also continue to love you even after that because guess what...we are SEALED together and we still have a whole eternity to go as long as we obey the commandments. 

This photo is from the weekend after we got engaged

I love you Jared! Happy 8th Anniversary!

Just a little note...

Just a little note for the 4 that made a mother:

I can't imagine that 20 years from now I will remember very many days like today. I feel like I will have filtered through my memories and subconsciously decided to recall only the best of the best. You're going to grow up and probably have babies of your very own. Babies that you will love bigger than you have ever loved anything in your life. You will understand the magnitude behind each and every single "I love you" that ever came out of my mouth, and I mean EVER. You will understand that I really DO NOT have a favorite child and I'm keeping it a secret. If you're anything like me at all then you will finally realize that you're parents were always right, even if you were sure that they were wrong. Your kids will break your heart in good ways and in sad ways (only sometimes). And that still won't matter because you couldn't stop loving them even if you tried.
  Jared and Wylee, you two make us so proud. I love that you both LOVE school, and you are both just so smart. We've been watching old home movies of the two of you when you were only 2 and 1. I was a brand new mom and I had no idea what I was doing but you guys taught me real quick! You won't remember those years but trust me, you enjoyed them, we have proof. As toddlers, you were both easy on me.....remind Russell and Wyatt to thank the both of you for that.
  Russell and Wyatt, you two boys have worn me out in so many different ways that I can't even keep track. The messes that you make somehow still surprise me even though they shouldn't, at all. You are both fearless and brave and confident which I guess is good because I worry enough for all of us. I've had people stop me at stores while y'all are being crazy and sweetly smile while they tell me that one day I will miss even these hectic moments at the grocery store that always end up in one of the 3 of us crying. I used to not believe those people, but I would politely nod and smile and agree with them. But the truth is, I already miss these days and they're right in front of me. Those days are NOW and I want to stop time. I want to keep all four of you just the way you are forever because these days turn into weeks before I even realize what hit me. I've been in survival mode for years. And now it feels like, without even missing a beat, that all I can see is the day that you will all leave our home and here I'll sit. Just me, my not yet filtered memories, and probably like 5 dogs...impatiently waiting for your daddy to get home from work. I used to ask for a day to myself for my birthday and I would long to just sit on the couch and watch something that didn't come on the Disney channel. Then the day would fly by and I would feel refreshed. Now all I think about is how Russell starts kindergarten next year and I'll only have Wyatt left at home with me. I can't even bring myself to do the math to figure out what year Wyatt starts school. I don't want to know. Days like today used to make me dream about the day that all 4 of you would be in school all day. The house would stay clean for a few hours in a row and there would be some peace and quiet around here. Now, days like today make me hope and pray that when your small children are giving back what you gave me that I'll have really good advice for you. All I can say is "just dance in the koolaid, too" (thanks Sister Downing) because parenting is HARD and it will always be hard, that will never change. We can change how we see the crazy moments, though. It doesn't mean that you won't break down and feel defeated every once in a while but at least it won't happen as often. Let your kids eat off the floor, 5 second rule. Buy a lot of Lysol. Don't buy a new car when you have small kids....it will no doubt turn into a rolling happy meal. Wait until they can get at least 95% of their food in their own mouths and then treat yourself. We still aren't at that point yet but I do look forward to the day that we don't find food in every crevice of our car. Then again I'm sure it'll make me cry to have a clean car and I'll just throw a box of fries over my shoulder in your honor. Then I'll take the lid off of a sprite and just dump it out. Splash some on the windows, maybe.
  All I know is this, you all have every piece of my heart and soul. I don't want you to ever grow up. I want our family to be the way it is forever because I can't imagine not having a toddler in my home anymore. These days are hard and stressful and so stinking exhausting, but they are every bit as great as the other days. When you all fall asleep and I have a minute to think about our day I just want to keep you all right in these moments. Thank you for choosing me to be your mom. I won't always measure up but I can promise you that I will give it my all. I look forward to later seasons in our lives and I know without a doubt that we are going to have so much fun together, whether you like it or not! Sweet dreams my little loves.

#whatwewreckedwednesday

I have a few friends that have super cute blogs (I'm looking at you Ashley and Angie) and I always see the equally as cute "What we wore Wednesday" segments on Ashley's blog, The Vanilla Tulip. It's adorable, even when her kids are in mishmash ensemble, they still look fab. I'm so glad I never get called out on a WWW Wednesday cause it would look like this:

   Well friends, today we have an interesting combination of last nights pajamas AND yesterday's clothes! That's right, Wylee is still in her pjs at 3 pm and Wyatt peed through his so he was just in a diaper until I realized I had less than 30 minutes to go get Jared's Pizza Hut lunch and have it at the school in time. So he's now in the closest outfit I could find, which just so happened to belong to yesterday! Russell is in a hit of a combo outfit and I myself put on a new tank top but my long sleeve shirt is from around 5 pm yesterday and the jeans are the same. And little Jared? Oh he's in SWEATPANTS and a Tshirt because he feels that's acceptable to wear to school.

So instead, I'd like to introduce you to my very own WWW Wednesday, also known as, What We Wrecked Wednesday. It's a delightful rundown of the things that my kids, and sometimes myself, have wrecked or ruined over the past week or so. I will also be including a list of things that my children are no longer allowed to receive as gifts. Because apparently there is a level of maturity that one must reach before they can handle being given SILLY PUTTY.

What we wrecked Wednesday includes, but in no way is limited to, the following:
1) This entire bullet is devoted to what they wrecked with Silly Putty (I'm lookin at you Aunt Becky!).
* Russell's Easter shirt, he matted a giant wad of ORANGE silly putty in the pocket. That stains.
* Several parts of the living room rug
* Wylee's pj pants (she fell asleep with it in her hand?)
* Wylee's blankie (see above)
* The butt of MY pj pants
* I keep finding it all over the hard wood floors in different rooms
* The love seat cushions
2) Broken cupcake Scentsy lamp
3) This bullet is dedicated to what we ruined with Nail Polish
* Wylee's carpet
* 3 out of the 4 souvineer shirts from the Masters (the 4th got scribbled on with marker, but not a Sharpie)
* Carpet  in our bathroom closet
* Carpet outside our bedroom door
* Carpet outside our bathroom but IN our bedroom
* Our sheets and comforter and pillow cases and quilt
4) The office, the whole thing, it's wrecked
5) Apparently someone scratched "Love" into one of the dressers, I can narrow that one down to those that can actually spell
6) A few cardboard boxes were chewed up
7) Major chased the neighbor's chickens and had a mouth full of feathers
8) Russell peed in the middle of the garage
9) An ornament got chewed up, and another smashed
10) My will to get out of bed in the morning
11) The dogs pulled the bread, brown rice, tortillas, and pumpkin seeds out of the cabinet and ate them ALL
12) The dogs also pulled my teal frosting bag off the counter and ran through it and then through the kitchen, but they did eat most of it.
13) A pull-up was shredded by the dogs (not used thank goodness)

And that's about all that I can remember right now. So there you have it!
#whatwewreckedwednesday

Oh yeah, and we gave a sweet baby bunny a heart attack and killed it the night before Easter.

Yoga Pants Joan

Right now I'm getting griped at for putting too many tortilla chips in Russell's bowl and at the same time Wyatt threw TWO handfuls of goldfish at my head. This won't be the last thing that is thrown at me today. And this surely won't be the last time that I have a child angry with me. This is happening as I rock Wyatt trying desperately to get him to nap. I. Am. Desperate. I want to fold laundry and clean the kitchen. I love rocking him though, he falls asleep to Paw Patrol and I get to play on Facebook and catch up on blogs.
 I read a blog this morning titled "10 Types of moms that suck". You can read it here if you want to. I get it. It's supposed to be funny. Parts of it were, but at the same time it made me cringe. Moms that suck? Ew. How rude. I'm sure I'm getting some eye rolls here and that's totally fine. My panties are in a wad because my gosh, can't we all just get along?! Can't we all just accept the fact that our creator made each one of us individually and we are unique and no two exactly alike?? My sweet friend Ashley has 4 kids as well, each one born not too long after each one of mine were born. We are VERY similar, yet so very different! She's homeschooling, I'm not. Big deal. Do we really HAVE to cut each other down for things like buying organic food and choosing not to breastfeeding, or driving through McDonalds and breastfeeding for too long??
Can we not just lift each other up instead? "Oh, hey Joan, I see you're wearing the same pair of yoga pants that you had on 2 days ago...kids must be givin ya hell, huh?  Drop 'em off at my house tomorrow and have a moment to yourself". Instead of calling up whatsherface and saying, "OMG, Joan is a hot mess. Yoga pants for 3 days in a row." Please. I've been Yoga Pants Joan before, defeated by my own family. I've also been the one calling Whatsherface and pretending like I haven't had a day where I can't even remember if my teeth got brushed and we ate lucky charms for dinner. And you know what, I always felt guilty afterwards. I'm ashamed. But hey, it was something to talk about so who cares, right? Joan cares! Joan doesn't need your judgments and back stabbing. Joan needs you to lift her up, recognize her needs and HELP HER. We are all moms and we are all different. Heavenly Father knew Joan before anyone else knew her and he gave her the same thing he gave you, and me, and every other mom. He gave us HIS children and has trusted us to bring them  back home to him. I'm sure I get judged all the time for having 4 kids, not to mention I had them in 5 years. That's a lot of kids! We must be insane. My sister in law has 7. I used to think she was nuts. Well, she is nuts, but not because she has 7 kids (lol, jk Ruth). Quit being pessimistic towards the mother that raises her family differently than you. She's doing her job the best she can, as I'm sure you are, too. So what if  she's fully dressed and looks great at drop-off and you're still in your pjs. Who cares? It makes you mad that she looks nice? That's not very fair, now is it? I could go on for hours, but that would make this a book and not a blog post. Now go watch this video, and thank your mother!

Who needs nice carpet anyways?

Well, let's see here...
Jared went on a "business trip" (I use this term VERY loosely) to Georgia Friday morning. They stayed in a rented house and got to go to the Masters on Saturday! It was a business trip people, he had no choice. I honestly feel really bad for him  when he HAS to go on these types of "business trips". Working on a Saturday, no thanks. The nerve...but we did get to watch Frozen 3 times on Friday before returning it. Which leads me to my next question.
Do you want to build a SNNNOWMAN? I bet Jared laughed just now. I really loved the movie. So much that I downloaded the soundtrack on my way to my AdvoCare training on Saturday. I asked the kids nicely to just not tell daddy that mommy downloaded it. You know what? It wasn't even a full day before baby Jared ratted me out! AND he threw in how I said, "Don't tell daddy cause he'll be like 'you spent money on that!?' And be grumpy about it". He made that last part up himself. See if I trust him with anymore secrets! Every time Jared got frustrated last night I would sing that song, I even changed the words to "do to want to put your pants on" as I chased Wyatt down the hallway at bedtime. He did NOT want to put some pants on, and he did not enjoy my modified version.
  But back to my Friday. My sweet friend Lara has a dog that manages to escape the yard for a bit but always comes back. Honey escaped Thursday night and didn't make it back home. I kept feeling prompted to go look for the dog and we had to go return the movie anyways (plus I really wanted a bigmac) so I decided I would act on my feelings. We ate dinner in the car while we drove through a couple of neighborhoods in their area. Little Jared kept snapping at me that I wasn't going the right way and demanded to know why I was choosing certain streets to drive down, I suppose he has stellar directional skills for a 6 year old (eye roll). I told the kids how I had said a prayer that Heavenly Father would help us to know the right way to go so we could take Honey home to our friends.  Their job was to holler at me if they saw a dog that was Honey's color. I said another prayer and kept feeling like I should roll down my window and ask people that were outside if they had seen her. Friends, not a single ounce of me wanted to do this. But I did, and you know what!? After talking to 3 different complete strangers we turned the corner and there was HONEY!!! The couple that found her were taking her for a walk and they were so happy that I knew where she belonged. My kids are SO young and I don't always know that they understand us when we teach them about The Lord. They understood this one!! It was an amazing thing, Russell was grinning ear to ear telling me that Honey made his heart happy and that we made Heavenly Father happy. I'm grateful to have the Holy Spirit in my life and I'm grateful to recognize his promptings. I'm thankful that my kids got to help return a friend's sweet family pet and experience the joy of doing service for others.  It may have been a small victory but it was a victory none the less!
  Their Daddy made it home REALLY late Saturday night. I decided kn Sunday to put on my big girl panties and take all 4 kids to church instead of leaving Wyatt or Russell at home with Jared.  We made it through the opening song, sort of made it through prayer and about a verse into the next song before I had to take all 4 kids to the foyer. We sat on the couch for the rest of sacrament. I almost broke down and left but I didn't. Russell cried and threw fits for the next 45 minutes. I almost cried, but I didn't. I almost LOST MY MARBLES, but again, I didn't. I said a prayer for patience (I was teaching 6 3-4 year olds alone) and he FINALLY  quit making a scene. Then Wylee had an accident so I threw in the towel, lol. We went home a bit early. We got some awesome shirts and it only took 2 hours for Wyatt to find a green marker and scribble all over his  arms, hands, and new OFFICIAL Masters shirt that Jared brought him from the ACTUAL Masters. It took another hour and a half or so for Russell to ruin Jared and Wylee's Masters shirts with fingernail polish. He tried to paint his toe nails but ended up painting his toe nails, his toes, part of his shin, his hands, the carpet in Wylee's room and the kids shirts (which I still don't really understand). Somewere in that time a tube of Chapstick was apparently smashed into the carpet. In 5 different places.  I highly recommend cleaning with Goof Off. It gets the job done and by the time you're finished you've inhaled so many fumes that you couldn't care less about the mess in the first place :)  I'm only kidding.........

I'm in a glass case of emotion!!

April 10th, 2014- I can't even process my feelings right now. So here's how this is gonna go, I'm just gonna type. Let my fat little fingers fly. My brain is jumbled with feelings of excitement and nerves and I'm scared and anxious and happy and sad and you're gonna get a glimpse of how my soul processes feelings. I'll give you a hint, it's unorganizedv in there. Just ask Jared.
  Wyatt Lee Ricker, our last born child, our baby, the book end of our family....as of 7:36 this morning, he is two. TWO. On Jared's second birthday, Wylee was almost 8 months old. On Wylee's second birthday, Russell was 4 months old. On Russell's second birthday, Wyatt was 3 months old. I haven't been pregnant for 2 whole years!! That's a record.

  Wyatt makes the best faces, he always makes me laugh. Unless it's 3:30 in the morning and he has me in the living room watching Paw Patrol which will cause me to sleep through my alarms which will make me wake up in a panic and feel disoriented which will cause me to frantically shove Jared out the door and send him to the neighbors house without checking his backpack or making his lunch.  No one was late, I'll let it slide.
  2 years old, I'm happy. I'm healthier than ever (I think). We're eating pretty clean and it has really sunk in! Eating clean has REALLY made me feel great inside. Not being pregnant means my body is mine. I'm not saying being pregnant isn't healthy, but for me it wasn't. I used pregnancy as an excuse to eat like a pig. I don't regret that though. Totally worth it :) but now I'll have to be healthy and get in shape because my kids deserve a mom and dad that can keep up with them!
  Time is going by quickly and not fast enough all at the same time. Today is also Wylee's  Kindergarten Roundup! What?!?! Kindergarten?? Down to two kids at home during the day? I have mixed feelings on this subject. (Time is passing too quickly) Happy sad happy sad...changes every 5 minutes. But wait, Russell starts right after Wylee. Then before I know it, it'll be Wyatt's turn. I'll have the house to myself all day and maybe it'll stay clean for longer than 5 minutes!! Tubs of toys won't be dumped out for no reason at all. I won't have to listen to "I didn't make that mess" Everytime I say clean up. (Not. Fast. Enough.)
  I recently read a blog post about how sometimes parenting is a big F you. It's true. It's not always like that, but it is lots of times. It's what I was made to do though, big F you's and all. Parenting isn't really even all that rewarding right now. It's so hard and it's always the same craziness and chaos but things DO somehow change every single day. And just like child birth, I forget most of the bad stuff by the time I fall asleep.  That's why I have 4 kids. You forget.  I didn't end up with 4 kids cause I love birthday cake and parties. It's why I was born. My official calling in life. I want to soak up every single small medium and large F YOU that motherhood throws my way and I'm gonna find a way to forget it by bedtime (it usually vanishes sometime between my bluebell and Blacklist). Someday when my nest is empty and there are 100 dogs hangin in my living room with me I'm gonna look back and think, "I did that. I was tough and weak, I worried all the time but still let them figure most things out for themselves. I held them, I taught them, I laughed with them AND at them  (hey, nobody is perfect). I cleaned up poop and pee and puke and spit up and lots of spilled milk which is, in fact, worth crying over. I did the best that I could. They know of Heavenly Father's love for them and they know how to get back home. We taught them how to pray and when and why, and that's important stuff! I hope I did it right." Then I'll spend a few hours talking to my 100 dogs until Jared gets home from work. I'll probably dress them up in people clothes too.
  So Wyatt is two, Wylee gets her first official taste of Kindergarten, and I'm gonna enjoy it even though if you were to be a fly on the wall of my van in the pick up line at school RIGHT now you would hear a crying 2 year old, a tattling 5 year old and you'd be watching Russell clean up all the fries that he threw and the to go box that he shredded.
  Happy birthday Wyatt. We all love you so much and you are the perfect ending to our reign of newborns. Your favorite show is Paw Patrol, you don't want to drink anything but chocolate milk and you LOVE sleeping in bed with mommy and daddy. You like doing our workout videos with us and you adore your big sister. Ryder still calls you Baby even though he's only 2 weeks older than you, and I like that :) You'll have to get used to it cause Baby, you're always gonna be OUR baby!!! I'll spoil you and let you get away with lots of stuff that the others didn't because that's how it works :) we love you Wyatt Lee!!
 

The Festival of Lights

 My dad has a joke in our family about birthdays. He calls them "The Festival of Lights" because my mom is realllllly good at managing to get several celebrations out of one birthday, well everyone's except for my dad's. It's just a joke but it's kind of true, his birthday is July 2nd so the 4th of July (also his sister's birthday) always tends to overshadow Dad's festival of lights. Not to mention, 2 of my 4 babies were also born in July AND my brother's birthday is July 8th.
  He doesn't want much for his birthday, just a card (which he will open at your house and end up leaving there because it's JUST THAT SPECIAL TO HIM....same goes for Father's Day cards!) I know how important these cards are to him....because one year I forgot to buy him a card and it took YEARS to live it down (and counting).
  Dad, I want you to know that we may not celebrate your Festival of Lights like we do for mom, but I celebrate it several times a week.

  I celebrate your birthday every single time I lay on the floor and Wylee (see, her name is spelled LEE because that's YOUR middle name) runs over and lays on my back...all I'm missing is a coloring book or a newspaper.
  I celebrate YOU on the rare occasion that the kids and I pour ourselves some milk and have an Oreo Dunking Party.
  I celebrate you every time someone tells me that all my boys have that "Talley mark", especially Wyatt.
  And I celebrate you again when we make a batch of homemade popcorn, when I fold a load of laundry (because you taught me how to fold), and when I wrap a gift (because you taught me that, too). I also celebrate you when I pull a Snickers bar out of the freezer and think to myself how you call them Gigglers, and when I catch myself bouncing my leg while sitting at the dinner table.
  I celebrate you when Russell takes a giant breath right before he takes a big bite of food, because YOU DO THAT, TOO!
  Every time I'm coloring with one of the kids, I celebrate you, because you taught me how to color in the same direction so that it doesn't look so sloppy. They think I'm so very talented.
  You're celebrated in my memories anytime I see a Rockwall Baseball shirt, whether it's around town or when my kids wear them to bed. I still have a hard time accepting your retirement.
  I celebrate you when we make kool-aid because it makes me think of how you would pour kool-aid into water bottles and put them in the cooler to take to the Rangers game. And I still have the olive green shirt that you bought me at the game that just you and I went to.
  Your Festival of Lights continues every time I have an anxiety attack or get so nervous that I throw up.....because you passed that down to me whether you wanted to or not, lol. Every time I would sit in the alley way about to make my run I would puke a little, and that's ok, because I know you did the same  before your football games.
  When Russell asks me to lay down with him while he falls asleep I have a hard time saying no, because you used to do the same for me.
  When Wylee refuses to sleep under her comforter, I only SORT OF celebrate you.....because bed bugs just aren't funny.
  Wyatt and Wylee's bright blue eyes...constant reminders because they got them from YOU, their PaPa.
  Going to Sam Houston was my first pick, my only pick, I had no back up....because that's where my daddy went and that's where I wanted to go to.
  I even have a little Festival of Lights celebration in your honor when a Seinfeld rerun shows up on the guide. Sometimes I watch it, not cause I like the show, but because you like the show.

  I celebrate you a whole lot, everyday, you just don't know it. Now you do. I could name at least 50 more everyday things, but then I'd have nothing to write about in your coveted birthday cards. I love you and mom so much and I appreciate all of the memories that I have, I hope my kids think as highly of me someday as I think of you guys. Only 174.5 days until your birthday....but who's counting, right? ;)

My Naughty list decision...in case you were wondering

My verdict: The boys are on the naughty list and Wylee is naughty/nice. I LOVE all of the advice and words of encouragement that I was given. Not only did every one's comments help lead me to a solution that I was comfortable with, but they helped remind me that holiday over stimulation deserves a special place on the naughty list as well.
  I had several people suggest that they get a toy and then I make them return it. I can't do that. I can't hurt their sensitive little feelings. Then I'M the bad guy. I don't want there to be a bad guy at all. So maybe there are kids out there that that solution will work for, I just don't think that it will work with mine. The last thing I want is more anger and resentment. Although, I do so appreciate those that suggested it! It helped steer me in the right direction.
  I also had lots of comments telling me that I should give them toys from Santa and then take them to hospitals or to someone less fortunate and make them give the toys to those sweet children. Such a great idea, but it won't solve my problem. My problem is whether or not they have behaved well enough for Santa to visit THEM and put presents for THEM under the tree. No one has ever said to them, "if you're bad, Santa will still bring you what you want but you'll have to take it to someone that has less than you." I don't even want to get into the issue of why they have to take their stuff to other kids and why didn't Santa visit those kids as well....yikes.
  Some said to give them less but don't make it about their behavior....after the third comment of this nature I decided what I was going to do. My whole problem IS their behavior so I'm going to sugar coat the reason why Santa doesn't leave lots of toys and goodies. I'm sticking to my plan of giving them all warm clothes, one book, and one toy. Because, after all, I was once a kid that thrived on the magical feelings of SANTA visiting! Santa will leave them a note explaining why they got what they got and why they didn't get everything they wanted. He will encourage better behavior next year and make sure they know how much he loves them.
  They are soooo little, and they are growing faster than I can keep up with and I don't want to make them miss out on one single Christmas morning full of Santa magic. Who knows how long they will believe for? I don't. So Santa is coming....he's just changing things up some. Stockings will have undies and socks and maybe a snickers soldier. One of the comments suggested that I send them a personalized video from Santa. She is also dealing with some naughty brothers at her house so she gave it a shot. So far it has been working for her kids, so I did the same. The kids sat alone with me, one at a time, to watch their videos. Santa speaks to them by name and even has their picture. They were shocked. It's only been about 45 minutes but that video was special to them and they are trying. Santa told them that it isn't too late to make it on to the nice list before Christmas Eve....we shall wait and see. Thank you for the link Jessica! If you want to send a video, you can google Portable North Pole.
  Again, I'm so thankful for every one's help! I can't wait to see how attitudes change over the next 9 days. And if they don't, well we will just try a little harder next year. Say a little prayer that these three make it on the nice list in time!!

Naughty List Warning

  I'm struggling with Santa right now. My kids KNOW that we celebrate Christmas because it's Jesus' birthday. They also know that Santa is just a fun bonus. They know that if they were ever to be so bad that Santa skips our house that Christmas would still go on because it's not about Santa. My problem is that, for the first time, they really have been so bad for me that if I didn't love them so much, Santa would skip us. I don't want to see their disappointed little faces when they wake up and run downstairs.
  Most of you that know my kids are probably thinking that I'm exaggerating right now, except for Leslie...she knows better. My kids are usually great for other people. I know I did something right when it comes to how they behave for EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET. Jared only moved his pin twice in kindergarten and has so far only snipped an E once in first grade, I'm so proud of him! I guess the specifics really aren't what my post is about.....I'm not writing this so that I can throw my kids under the bus and have you all think poorly of them. It's just a season that we're in.
  My problem is this: do I teach them a hard lesson that I never had to learn or do I carry on as if they had been little angels? I purchased a really cute "Naughty List Warning" the other morning that I had planned on filling out for each child. In the middle of filling out Baby Jared's I started to feel bad about it. I don't know why....I think mainly because there is a line for "naughty behavior witnessed by..." and I put "Trigger the Elf" (that's our Elf on the Shelf's name). I felt bad for our fake stuffed elf on the shelf. Why should he be blamed if they get reindeer crap in their stockings even though Im pretty sure that's the main reason behind the Elf on the Shelf. Last year the concept was fun because the kids wanted to be really good for him. This year they just think his stunts are funny and who gives a hoot if he catches them being bad. So........what do I do? As of Tuesday my plan was to have Santa bring them all warm winter clothes and ONE toy from their list. That still seems ok to me. I don't want them to think that their actions can be threatened with Santa skipping our house but come Christmas morning Santa has spoiled them rotten anyways so what was the point of spewing the "SANTA IS WAAATTTCCCHHHHING YOOOOUUUU" line (while I'm literally on the verge of an emotional and mental breakdown).

  1) Do I risk hurting their feelings and give them all their naughty list warnings? (Trigger will be removed from the witness line)

  2) Does Santa stick to his one toy plan or just bring clothes?

  I would love your input, maybe advice from the more seasoned mothers out there that have dealt with the naughty child during the month of December issue.

  What I would NOT LOVE is your advice on how to discipline my babies.  Everyone is so different when it comes to THAT subject, so I'd rather just steer clear of it :)

I'm not just a mom, you know...

Well, I'm not. I am, but I'm not. It would be safe to say that "it's complicated". I'm a stay at home mom that also sells Scentsy, AdvoCare, and co-owns an online boutique with her best friend. Interestingly enough, it's called Just Two Girls' Boutique. We decided on that name because back in January we did a fundraiser for an old classmate of ours. We had gotten to know his wife a little bit recently and when he was critically injured in a car accident I felt like I needed to help in some way. Our fundraiser turned into a huge event and as people were pulling us in all different directions to decide on this or take care of that I simply reminded people that we were "just two girls". We didn't know what we were doing, we didn't know what proper fundraising protocol was, we didn't know anything other than we wanted to help. We were, and still are, just two girls. And I am just one girl, a mom, with a little extra on my plate. Most days I get up and take the dogs outside, start little Jared's shower, go wake him up, get him in the bathroom and then I go downstairs to make his lunch and get him some breakfast. I make myself some Spark and I grab my iPad. My second alarm for the day goes off and I walk him to the end of our driveway and we wait for the bus...send him off and head back inside. Usually 2 of the others wake up right after I walk in, so we watch cartoons and wait for the 3rd to wake up. Then its breakfast and chocolate milk and I check a few emails, check my texts that Leslie sent me over night. She works late at night, sends me the orders that I need to work on and I work during the morning or day, whenever I can fit it in. I do a little Facebook stalking, change a diaper or two and go about the rest of my day. A lot of times I forget that I'm only one person. I can't do everything, and I don't HAVE to do everything. I don't have to sell AdvoCare or Scentsy, and I don't have to sew for money. But I do. I'm not the top in sales, not even close. It would be nice, but then again, lots of things would be nice. I should probably give something up, that or learn to cut myself some slack. It's not easy for me to just not do something because it would be easier to not do it. For example, grocery shopping. If I wanted to, I could ask Jared to watch the kids and just go by myself on Saturday mornings. But that would just be too easy now wouldn't it? If I did that then there goes 2 hours of our weekend time together, or I would be giving up the one morning that I don't wake up to an alarm. So instead I choose to endure the mental and emotional beating of taking Wylee, Russell, and Wyatt to Wal-Mart first thing on Monday mornings. 6 times out of 10 I end up crying at some point during our trip. Every SINGLE time as I am loading them into the car I tell them that they are NEVER EVER EVER GOING SHOPPING WITH MOMMY AGAIN! EEVVVEEERRRR!!!! Until the following Monday, and we repeat it all again. Every Monday I swear that I'm going to start grocery shopping in the middle of the night or at the crack of dawn on Saturdays. That never happens though. It probably never will. Every day I follow the kids around asking them to 'pick this up' and to 'put that away'...most of the time they don't do it and after asking 10 times I do it myself because I CAN'T STAND for stuff to just be laying all over the place. I hate it. I hate it more than I hate grocery shopping with the kids. I hate my kitchen floor because even if I mopped it every day it would still look like a pack of elephants just muddied up their giant feet and trampled all over the place. I hate doing laundry. I hate doing dishes. I don't mind vacuuming except that our vacuum is broken right now so I've been trying to vacuum the house with a tiny bissel that we bought for the camper. So, yeah, that sucks. I hate clutter yet you will not find a single room in my house that is without it. This house is pure chaos, I just try to keep it nice and organized and tidy. Tidy chaos. I rush around the house when I know that Jared is about 30 minutes from being home. I put away everything that the kids wouldn't, and load the dishwasher with the things that are left in the sink. I do my best to have the house clean and smelling good when he walks through the door. I like to have dinner ready either when he gets home or shortly after. I'm so disappointed in myself on the days that the house is crazy, the sink is full, and dinner isn't even thawed out yet. Here's how things have been going lately... *The sink is usually full of dishes. *I'm STILL in pjs when Jared gets home. *The kids are STILL in pjs when Jared gets home. *You can find a diaper that didn't make it to the trash in at least 3 out of the 4 bedrooms, with a few more throughout the house. *You can find a sippy cup with yesterday's milk in it under at least one of the couches. *I let the kids accidentally break something because I wasn't paying close enough attention. *Guess what Babe? We're having cereal and milk for dinner again...but not a lot of milk, because we're almost out and I need enough to put Wyatt to bed with. *That load of laundry that's in the dryer...it sat in the washer for 2 days and I rinsed it 4 separate times but it still smells a little bit like crap. But, hey, I dug that BoxTop out of the trash that you threw away! After all, its worth like 15 cents. *Don't worry about that dirty diaper smell in the playroom, the dogs found one of the diapers that didn't make it to the trash can so they shredded it in there. I cleaned it up though. Remind me if I get pink eye, it was probably from that. This week, however, I am on day 4 of wearing REAL clothes and Make-up and my hair looks pretty decent! Monday morning we decided to go have lunch with Jared in Paris, he asked what made us decide to do that and I said, "Well, we all had real clothes on..." We laughed. And I died a little inside. We all had real clothes on. A Gold Star kind of moment if there ever was one. I try to keep it pretty real on Facebook. I don't make my life out to be some giant rainbows and unicorn fest over here. It's not. I make jokes about the fact that Wyatt is butt naked outside waiving to the cars that pass and Russell is elbow deep in potting soil. Jared and Wylee are fighting over something, or everything, and I'm about to pull my own hair out. MOST of it is pretty funny if you can just let yourself laugh about it instead of cry. Should Wyatt be naked outside? No. Before I take him in to diaper him I'm gonna watch him run 5 steps and then stop to make sure everything is still there, and then run 5 more steps and check again...cause its funny. I don't want people to think that my house runs like a well oiled machine and that if you drop by unannounced I will be wearing my best pearls (if I had any), the kids would be treating each other kindly while they play in the playroom and there will be a freshly baked, homemade, apple pie cooling in the kitchen window. Most of the time when Jared walks through the door I don't run and give him a kiss on the cheek with my heel kicked up. I'm usually borderline mental by the time he gets home. He would argue that borderline is being nice. I survived another day though! There's a plus. I have so much to do, so many mouths to cook for, so many headbands that need sewing or hats that need embellishing. I have orders to place and people waiting for me to bring their stuff to them. I have piles of clothes to wash and fold and beds to make and dishes to clean or to put away. Each room holds a different mess, just WAITING for me to tend to them. I have too much going on. I can admit that. What I can't get past is the fact that there are plenty of people who have way more going on and they still manage to do it all. There is no room for slacking, no matter what. Why should I be any different from those people? I have some AMAZING nieces and nephews, but you know what? I ALWAYS forget to send birthday cards and I never call. I hate myself for that, and I try to change it and I slack again. Sometimes (a lot of the time) I don't answer phone calls because there is so much going on at that moment that I just can't add a conversation to my plate. Text me. I can usually handle a text message. I have over 300 unopened emails because I can't check them fast enough. I have unopened Facebook messages because I was too busy to read them and now they have been pushed so far down the line that I don't even know where they are and I don't have time to sit and scroll through them all. I don't listen to my voice mails. Ever. I have some sitting on my phone that have been there since February. What was the point of this blog post? Maybe I'm afraid that people give me too much credit sometimes... they need to know that I'm just a whack job of a mother with some whack job children that are lucky they are cute and a total whack job of a husband. Or MAYBE my fingers typed this so that I would read over it and see that I usually have stuff under control. Lately, I've been tired. Trying to do too many different things will do that to a person. I can figure out a balance...I can. My kids and husband deserve the best, and even though I'm just one person I CAN figure out how to do it all and do it all with a SMILE on my face (and my best pearls on). First, I need some pearls...

The first 48 hours.

This house is AHHHMAZING. The first few days went a little bit like this....

we started moving in around 4:30 Friday afternoon, finished on Saturday. I spent all day Saturday unpacking boxes in the kitchen and the other things we would need right away. I put on a big pot of water so I could make macaroni and cheese for lunch....and half an hour later the water isn't even at a full boil, on high. So we discover that the stove isn't up to par. The oven doesn't work and the microwave is the one I used in college. Everything has to be cooked twice as long in it and its small. Less than 24 hours in the new home and I discover orange highlighter graffiti on one of the built in toy boxes in the kids room. I know who did it. I called Wylee upstairs and into the room and asked her what happened. She sat sown on the box, shrugged her shoulders and said I don't know what happened. So I asked who colored on the toy box, she said "uhhhhh I don't knowwww, (touches her finger to her chin like she's thinking) I think maybe Russell did it." So I said, "oh really? Russell knows how to write your name now?" She smiled, shrugged her shoulders again and said "I guess so!". What a little fibber.
36 hours after the big move and Russell comes in our bed at about 6:30 am and asks for water. I thought I gave him some, he started coughing a bunch then made a nasty sound. Jared asked if he just threw up and I said no I gave him water and it just went down the wrong pipe....wait a second. I didn't give him any water in real life, I dreamed that, and that coughing was barfing. After breakfast Baby Jared was laying on the bathroom floor and Wylee was laying on the playroom floor saying "I feel weird"....and by 8:30 all 3 of them were lined up on the couch with barf bowls and towels and a giant blanket covering the carpet in front of them JUST IN CASE. Baby Jared took a little nap, woke up, stood up, stretched and gagged so I said Jared if you're gonna puke grab your bowl! He said he wasn't going to then gagged again. i yelled "grabbed your bowl, GRAB YOUR BOWL!!" but really, who needs a bowl when you can just puke on the floor? Don't worry, he felt a LOT better after that. Everyone seemed fine by noonish. Hallelujah. By Monday we were already locked out of one of the bathrooms (still are). Tuesday we woke up with 3 dogs and went to sleep with none. I don't want to talk about it so don't ask but if you know us then you know that our dogs are family members. Wednesday morning I woke up and found out about an hour later that my sweet Papa had finally gone to be with the Lord. He left behind a family that will miss him dearly and that will ache for his presence for many many years to come. I spent the day at Mimi and Papa's house with my parents and my aunt, my brother and his family, my cousins and my Mimi. I didn't want to leave but I needed to get home to Jared and try to sleep. I was good the whole way home, and while I did some laundry and got the kids to bed. I was good while I straightened the house and changed clothes. I was fine while we watched tv until there was a funeral on Chicago Fire and I realized that it hadn't hit me yet. It hit me, sort of, at that moment. I cried for a little bit and was able to stop pretty quickly...I know Saturday will be a challenge but I'm more worried about Sunday. Our first Easter without Papa. It'll be hard on all of us. Wait, Easter...oh no, I hadn't bought stuff to put in the kids baskets. They're already concerned that the EB won't know where we live. I loaded everyone up and we were out the door at 7 this morning, we dropped Jared off at school, got gas, and headed into Walmart. I grabbed one of those reusable bags and started distracting Wylee by pointing at things while I stuffed things into that bag behind her back. I'm not sure what all I bought but I think there are some wind up animals, some chocolate bunnies, more candy than we needed, fake grass, and some more junk, I hope! I was about to check out and I decided I would look and see if they had ANYTHING that I could wear to the funeral Saturday. Russell wanted to walk so I let him. That was my first mistake. Turned my back for ONE second and as I turned back around I watched the entire cart, groceries and WYATT, and all fall to the ground on top of Wylee and Russell who are now underneath a clothing rack. 5 associates came out of nowhere, litterally, they just appeared. I knew the kids were fine cause I watched it happen. No one hit their head and blood wasn't squirting out from any limbs so my initial reaction wasn't sympathetic, it was annoyed and frustrated and I MAY have said something like "REALLY?!?!?! REALLY YOU GUYS?!?!?!? THIS IS RIDICULOUS. Yall know better! What were you thinking?!" Cue the bad looks from the associates who don't believe me when I tell them that they are fine and that they are only crying cause they're scared. No really, they were fine. They may have seen all the Easter stuff since it all went flying out of the bag. I'm not sure. I'm hoping they were too stunned to notice. Slap all that crap back in the cart and make a beeline for the checkout counter cause I am DONE. How annoying. I wanna go home. Instead let's head to Target! I need something for Saturday and if I don't do it now while we're out then I'll regret it. i found something and was surprised to find out it was on sale when I was checking out. Now we really can go home. I was thinking "man I really want a sonic diet coke but I'm not really near one...well there's one on 276 but that's not on the way home....oh crap it IS on the way home, I'm driving to the OLD house!" I barely made the exit. Got a Diet Coke. Mom told me that Walmart called and said I was banned after my little incident, which I actually believed and got nervous for a minute. Thanks mom. Got home, got inside, and started my period (the piece of crap cherry on top of my piece of crap week). The end. am

Mama's Trifecta.

Moneyball. In this order...BASEBALL, MATH, and BRAD PITT. Why have I not seen this movie sooner?! A lot of you may not know that I was a math major at Sam Houston. I have loved math more than English for as long as I can remember. Math has a definite answer (for the most part) while English or Literature can have several different right answers, which I hate. I was studying to become a high school math teacher. I wanted to make a difference in the world of high school math. I wanted to teach algebra. I guess that could still happen, time will tell! I also have a STRONG love for America's favorite past time. My daddy coached high school baseball for as long as I can remember. I would lay on the floor in my apartment in Huntsville and listen to his games over the Internet. I was devastated when he announced his retirement. I guess a part of me thought he would coach till the day he died (except he's my daddy and he'll live forever) and maybe in a perfect world he would coach one or all of my boys someday, should they play. Billy Beane is right, "It's hard not to be romantic about baseball." It is. It makes me nostalgic...and for my anxiety ridden soul, nostalgia is a terrible thing. It gives me a knot in the pit of my stomach and it makes me ache for the past. I hate that. As I said before, I really hate change. I think about my dad's last ball game more often than I should. I couldn't help but cry after the last out...most people couldn't. This game was for the high school State Championship. How amazing would that have been for him to go out with his first State Championship. They played a great game, but it wasn't in the cards. Cue the anxiety. Moneyball brought back a flood of emotion and nostalgic related anxiety, but I couldn't stop watching. It was a great movie and on top of it all I ate a big bowl of chocolate popcorn (thanks for that trick Ruth) while I watched it.
Enough about that. How about the fact we'll be moved out of our house before our milk expires. I'm gonna have an ulcer before this month is over. I hope the Easter Bunny doesn't forget to fill the baskets this year. Wouldn't that be tragic?
Speaking of tragic...I think Russell has inherited his mama's homesickness. I reallllly hope not, because there is nothing fun about wanting nothing more than your mama and daddy! I should know, right Mimi? I didn't make through Brownie Camp in 3rd grade, I barely slept at friends' houses without crying and going home early, poor Mimi and Papa had to put up with me crying my eyes out every single night that I slept at their house, I cried the entire 3.5 hour drive to COLLEGE and begged my daddy to let me just stay home. So you see, he gets it honestly! I dropped Jared, Wylee, and Russell off at my mom and dad's Tuesday afternoon for a sleepover with Grammy and Papa! Got a text around 2:35 saying Russell had been crying for over an hour and just wanted me. No problem, I'm on my way. I knew exactly how he was feeling. I got him home a little after 3am, put him in my bed and I laid down. Then Millie needed to go outside, so I got back out of bed and took her out....then laid down again. I finally fell asleep and I hear CHIRP! CHIRP! It's the stupid smoke detector. I woke Jared up and told him to go make it stop. He got up and went to the living room but it had quit chirping. So he laid back down. CHIRP.....CHIRP! UGGGGHHHH. I got out of bed and went into the living room to see which one it was. It quit. I waited. Nothing. Went back to bed, closed my eyes and, whatdoyaknow....CHIRP! This little cycle repeated about 5 times. Never could figure out which one it was, there are two in the living room, one in the hall, and then one in each bedroom. I incorporated the chirping into my dreams and sent Jared a text around 6 something that said OMG PLEASE MAKE THE BEEPING STOP!!!!!! It finally just quit at like 7am. I was exhausted yesterday. Went to sleep at 10:45 and Wyatt woke up for a bottle at 10:55. Except he didn't want the bottle, he wanted to stay up and cry and toss and turn, so I rocked him, I paced the house with him, I gave him ear drops, I sang to him, I let him cry it out. I rocked him some more. I tried everything. He kept refusing to eat his bottle and then finally at 12:15 he took his bottle and closed his poor eyes. PHEW. I climbed in bed, and then woke up to take Millie out, and then woke up 2 more times to feed Wyatt and change him. And at 5am CHIRP! CHIRP! You have got to be kidding me. I got up and this time it didn't quit, I track it to the kids' room, climb up on the top bunk and pull that thing down and yank out the battery. Biggest mistake ever. I always assumed that those things just ran on batteries. They don't, the batteries are really just back up. AND if you take the battery out it just sets the #$*& thing off! AND when that happens it triggers all of the other ones in the house! So, if you take the battery out at 5:30 am while all the babies are sleeping you better prepare yourself for a symphony of smoke detector chirps. Which may or may not make you cuss, depending on the strength of your filter (I need to strengthen mine). So I frantically hooked it back up to the ceiling thingy, every time I screwed it up the whole house would start beeping. I finally got it back on the ceiling, climbed off the top bunk and walked back to bed. CHIRP. No, no no no no no. But yes. So here I sit, at 9:26am listening to the smoke detector beep every several minutes. Its beyond annoying. Apparently I have to unplug it. I dunno. With that being said, I need a Spark (I'm out), or a Diet Coke to get me through today and I will praying for a better nights sleep tonight because as the move approaches, I know they are limited.