Boys are weird.

Ah Christmas. I love Christmas. I love putting the elf, Trigger, in different spots every night and watching the kids' faces when they find I'm in the morning.

*Wylee just shoved a bead up her nose and I had to quit typing to help her shoot it out. That JUST happened. I wish I could say it was the first, but it wasn't. And it surely won't be the last...she shoves things in her nose quite a bit*

Anyways, Trigger was brought into our home in hopes of encouraging the kids to behave...which worked for like a day. I'm hatching A plan right now that will be great if I actually do it. We always tell our kids that "Santa is watching, he won't bring you gifts if you are bad" blah blah blah, but I've never actually not given my kids a Christmas because they were bad. In all honesty, Santa shouldn't be coming to our house this year. The kids have been on the naughty list in my book. So I'm thinking about heading down to Mom's barn and filling up a giant sack of horse $@&# and setting it in the middle of my living room on christmas morning labeled as reindeer poop. There will be a nice letter from Santa explaining that he ran out of coal this year so they get poop instead. Thoughts?

Russell has been a doozy lately. He just stood in front of me and fished a battery out of his diaper, then 2 more from his pocket...which is why I say boys are weird. They are.

I had no intentions of stopping at sonic for a rt44 this morning. I really didn't, but our weekly trip to Walmart warranted not only a rt44 but some onion rings as well. I hate those stupid carts with the two it kid seats attached. I was talked into getting one this morning as they promised they would behave. And I believed them! Shame on me. Two hours later we finally checked out and I all but pulled my own hair out of my head. Public spankings, check. Yell a the kids across the store, check. Break up a toddler fist fight in front a bunch of people, check (and check again). Stop the kids from licking the gift cards, sadly...check. What a beating. 2 hours of that kind of crap, over and over again. Wow. I know I'm of alone but man I sure felt like I was at the moment...

I haven't been recording Russell's moments lately so this post won't be too exciting but as I think of them I'll write them down. My brain is fried. Merry freaking Christmas :)

All you have to do is tell them your name....

Things have been a little nuts around here.....the blog took a back seat to living life I guess. Russell hasn't taken a break from being naughty, that's for sure! But then again, neither have the others.

As I stood in line to vote on Tuesday I looked down and realized that Wyatt had yellow marker ALL over his face and then an earlier conversation with Wylee started to come back to me....

(As I walked into the living room)
Wylee: Mommy, Russell colored on Wyatt's face with a markerrrrrr.
Me: Russell is asleep, don't blame him for things that he didn't do.
Wylee: Okkkayyyyyy...

Russell was actually not asleep anymore and he was sitting on the ground  between the couch and the coffee table, which he also colored all over. My brain is so tired I can't even remember all of the stories from the last month. I should have written them down somewhere, maybe made a note or two. He's been his usual little daredevil self, jumping from things and climbing way to high. He's bitten, pinched, punched, kicked, slapped, hugged and kissed (everyone, including non family members). He throws his food, and eats with his hands. He insists on using a big boy cup and then spilling everywhere. He let the bath tub run for several hours a few weeks ago. Looking back, that may have been my fault. Wylee walked out of my bedroom saying that Russell just wanted to take a little cold bath, but Russell walked out about 30 seconds later so I figured they were pretending. A few hours later I heard water running and found the bath tub completely full, thank goodness for those little holes in that silver thingy!! We would have had a flooded bathroom. He figured out how to climb on top of the dryer to get to his Halloween bucket and how to open the giant bag of popcorn in the pantry to help himself (I'm okay with that part).

Now on to Jared....the kindergartner, you know, the one who things food in the cafeteria is free as long as you tell them your name. I actually don't think I have told that story yet. From the beginning....

Jared pulled a spork out of his pocket one day after school so I asked him why he had that, he told me he needed a straw for his drink and it came with the straw......he takes a thermos with an attached straw to school. He then told me that he went through the line and got a chocolate milk, so I asked him how he paid for it. Knowing that his parents are super cheap he threw his hands in the air (as if to stop me from flipping out) and said..."Don't worry Mom, it's free. All you have to do is tell them your name and they let you take the milk." I explained to him that it wasn't free and mommy would be getting a bill for that milk. A couple days later I got a bill in his binder for $12.00!! So I asked him exactly how much chocolate milk he had been getting. That's when I found out he'd been getting breakfast, too. He again tried to tell me that they never asked him for money, so it was free. We had a long conversation about how the only time he should go through the line is if I forgot to give him breakfast or if he left his lunch at home. The next week we get a $14 bill. He admits to getting some more breakfast....then came the $16 bill. Jared and I BOTH try to get it through his brain that he is not allowed to charge food.

I know that I can tell the cafeteria to stop letting him, I was concerned that he might be super hungry if he didn't eat breakfast and I didn't want to leave him with no options. Apparently a Kindergartner gets a little taste of freedom and runs with it.

So we are up to $42 in negative balances and each time I sent a check in I would write it over a bit just for some cushion. Halloween morning I had volunteered to work an activity at the school so I got there at 7:45 and what do you know....Jared is walking down the hall licking his fingers. So I stop him and ask him if he charged his breakfast AGAIN, of course he did. I go to the cafeteria to talk to the lady and let her know that Jared is no longer allowed to have breakfast unless he has cash. That's when I found out that he had a negative $16.50 balance. She said, "I asked him if he was supposed to be getting breakfast this morning and he looked at me and said (she has a sad look on her face with puppy dog eyes as she is telling me what he said) 'My mommy didn't feed me breakfast this morning, and I'm so hungry.'....of course she let him charge. I would have. So I wrote another check and signed a sheet saying no more breakfast. I asked her how often he gets breakfast in there and she said "every morning". WHAT?!?!?!?! I feed him or send food with him EVERY DAY! After all the checks were written Jared spent $86 in the cafeteria in his first 8 weeks of school. Don't try to do the math, I didn't mention all of the bills and no one else charged on his account, his picture shows up along with his number.

That's all I got. I'm sure I'll remember something else as the day goes on, or Russell will provide some new blog material :)

Yogi BARE and a first side kit.

Let me start out this post by saying it will embarrass a lot of people. Me, my husband, my dad...even the reader may get embarrassed. If you often pee a little when laughing then you should make a trip to the bathroom real quick. Consider yourself warned.

I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll begin with a text message from my dad. He was watching the kids for me this evening while I got paint at Wal-mart.

Daddy: YOGI BEAR DOESN'T NEED TO BE STARTED FROM THE BEGINNING WOW WOW WOW

Me: I know!!!!! I meant to delete that movie!!!

Me: I was beyond mortified the other day!!!!

Daddy: YOU BETTER

Me: Jared did it.

Daddy: I had to make them go in your room while I was panicking and fumbling the remote

Daddy: Jared yelled "that's the movie Daddy wouldn't let us watch!"

Me: Hahahahahahahaha

Me: I'm dying right now, can't even talk to the paint guy

Daddy: Still shaking- they might as well drink tea now and take up smoking

Me: Hahahaha

Now I'll rewind to Friday...Jared recorded Yogi Bear for the kids in the middle of the night so that it didn't interfere with any other recordings. Wellllllll our DVR records the last 3 minutes of the movie or show that comes on before the one you are trying to record. YIKES!!!! Parents: Make sure the movie that comes on before the recorded movie isn't hard core porn. I couldn't press fast forward quickly enough! Why didn't I hit stop? Oh, I don't know. I couldn't think straight! And with every punch of the fast forward button came a new sex scene! Who plays Yogi Bear right after a porno?!?! Anyways, I forgot to delete the movie after I let the kids watch it. So Jared started it for them Sunday afternoon...he was aware of what happened so he had the kids leave the room while he fast forwarded it to Yogi Bear. He didn't delete the movie either. Sorry Dad. I couldn't even talk to the paint guy I was laughing so hard at the counter, I thought I was gonna pee in my pants!

Maybe that wasn't so embarrassing, and I bet no one peed their pants....but I almost did.

I finally made it home. Jared is at the Ranger's game tonight so macaroni and cheese with hot dogs it is!! I am constantly telling the kids to leave the kitchen while I cook...CONSTANTLY. And tonight they learned why. As I was stirring the boiling macaroni water I managed to splash a giant serving-spoonful down my side and hip. I screamed like I was in a horror movie, that flippin HURT! So all 3 kids stood there half laughing and half crying, unsure whether I was just being funny or just in a lot of pain...in an attempt not to scare them I started acting like a fool so they would stop crying and keep laughing. I think it worked. They learned a lesson, when mom says leave the kitchen you better LEAVE THE KITCHEN. Little Jared is so sweet (sometimes, haha) so he grabbed his "First Side Kit" (first aid kit) and informed me that this was his last giant band aid and I needed to refill his container. So I'm bandaged up, it hurts like a you know what though!

Part of me feels like our Yogi Bare-butt story should be kept within the family...but I can't not post about it, it's too funny. Way too funny....

I need a vacation.

Well we had another eventful trip to Costco yesterday. My list was short so my plan was to load everyone up around 10:30, go grab a few things and feast on lunchables (that's what Jared calls samples) and then have some giant hotdogs for lunch. All was well until Russell dropped his FULL Sprite on the ground :/. Still not that big of a deal...kids finally finish they're hotdogs and I grab my Diet Coke, which as you all know, is as good as gold to me. I load everyone up and kick myself as I realize that I have yet again forgotten to ask for a box at checkout. Such a rookie mistake. As I'm closing the back door I hear Wylee say "oops! Sorry mommy! I spilled my sprite." Uugghh....could be worse. It's worse :( its all over my seat and down in between the console and chair, and its not her Sprite. It's my "much needed-gonna save the day" Diet Coke. Shoot. Good thing I keep a 32 pack handy, AND we were having Frito pies for dinner so I had that to look forward to, right? No. Everyone cried about how the chili was spicy, Wylee only wanted the fritos, Russell was throwing his all over the walls and window (he even rubbed some in Jared's hair), big Jared was still full from lunch...whatever, I enjoyed mine. My story ends with Russell shoving his finger so far up MY nose that it starts bleeding (its still sore). It's Friday, yippie!! While

I may not survive Russell Owen.

Russell has been pretty busy since last week. I need a vacation. He was actually doing really well on Monday and Tuesday last week...then he had a well check at 8:30 on Wednesday. I thought I was being super-smart-mom by scheduling his 2 year check up at the same time as Wyatt's 4 month. Knock em both out at the same time, no need for a sitter! It turned out to be more like not-so-super-smart-mom. I got there 10 minutes early they open at 8 (I think) so I thought the wait would be minimal if I scheduled it really early. We enter the elevator with some guy who kindly held the door for us AND he let Russell push the button...but Russell pushed the HELP button. The lady answered and I explained that the button was accidentally pushed so she hung up (without saying goodbye, meany). This is a really good start. Then we sign in and sit down, but Russell decided to get a cup of water from the water cooler. I hate that water cooler. Within 3 minutes of being in the waiting room he was soaked in water. Soaked. But don't worry, we waited so long to see the doctor that by the time it was our turn he was dry and FURIOUS. Our appointment was at 8:30, I got there early, and by 9 I went to the desk to see why we were waiting so long. Russell wouldn't stop screaming and crying, I almost joined him. I'm not the type that gets angry with people over something that is out of their control but I came close. My nerves were shot and we still had to do 4 shots for Russell and 2 for Wyatt. Once we finally got called back into a room all hell broke loose. Our pediatrician is our family doctor so on the table are stirrups...ladies, you know what's up. There's a drawer full of tools that go hand in hand with the sort of appointment that you would need those stirrups for. Russell found all of these things highly entertaining and I was so embarrassed for some reason. He. got. into. EVERYTHING. The biohazard trash can, almost knocked the lamp over, which I think also goes with the stirrups, he banged on the keyboard, he tried getting all of the instruments down off the counter, he unrolled the paper on the bed like a roll of toilet paper... I couldn't contain him for the life of me and we were in there for an HOUR AND A HALF. So after all that, I got to lay across him and pin his arms down while he got stuck 4 times. He cried so hard his nose started bleeding while we were in line to leave. SO even though he was super naughty, he got a milkshake....

Wylee capped off the evening by shoving a bead up her nose. Wednesday did, in fact, come to an end which I wasn't sure that it ever would. I can't even remember Thursday and Friday. I know Jared made it on and off of the school bus so that's all that really matters. Next up is Saturday...

I don't know whose bright idea it was to give the kids pie after lunch and then leave the table before they finished, but this is what happens when Russell is unattended at the table with Chocolate Creme Pie:

Sharing some pie with his best pal.

Smearing pie in his own hair. Two seconds later...

eating pie out of his own hair.

He's not crying, he's super excited and I caught him at the perfect moment.

Jared took him outside and hosed him off. I'm not sure why but Russell skipped a nap on Saturday but he had extra time to misbehave. He filled little Jared's cup up with ice and water and walked into the living room where I was laying on the ground playing with Wyatt and he DUMPED IT on my back. A little later on baby Jared started cracking up at the back door and in walked Russell BUTT NAKED. He decided to take his diaper off at the back door before he came inside. Most people just take their shoes off, but alright. Then I heard the bathroom water running which usually means he's making a big mess. Nope. He took his diaper off again and was sitting in the sink filling it up with water and hand soap. I took pictures but I won't be posting them :)

Ew I forgot, Friday WAS a big day for Russell. I dunno how this slipped my mind. 2:30 in the afternoon I decided to give the house a good vacuuming...2:45 in the afternoon I realized I hadn't seen Russell recently and Wylee was asleep (in timeout). I started in Wylee's room and he wasn't there, so I went to his room. Empty. My stomach drops and I feel a little sick, not cause I think something bad has happened to him, but I KNOW that he is up to no good. So as I'm headed towards my bedroom Russell comes running out with an Orange Sharpie marker, a new orange uni-brow and neck beard to match...along with some fancy orange arm hair. The knots have been validated and I am literally SCARED to walk into my own bedroom to see what else he colored on. I start at the computer desk where he has scribbled on the baby monitor and some paper...not as bad as I thought...but then I see the bathroom. This picture doesn't show the toilet or the whole bathtub but he tagged those, too. The bathtub was all around the edge and down into the tub. That little turkey scribbled on my newly painted bathroom wall!!!!! I panicked cause Jared was going to be home soon and our realtor was coming Saturday morning to look at the house so we can list it. I turned to trusty facebook where several people told me to use a dry erase marker, so that's what I did...not like I could make it much worse than it already was. I got it off of the toilet and bathtub completely and it dulled it on the wall. I ruined 4 dry erase markers in the process. Jared got home and asked me why I didn't just paint over it, lol, oh duh. I don't know.

Stinker.

As he watched me scrubbing the wall I told him he was a bad boy and deserved a spankin...so he called me a bad boy and actually did spank me. Saturday I found him admiring his art work and when he saw me he pointed his finger at me and called me a bad boy again and then spanked me on his way out the door.

Can't remember anything from Sunday. But on Monday he threw a handful of my jewelery into the toilet. Wouldn't have been THAT big of a deal if Wylee hadn't peed in it and forgot to flush. I didn't even want to wash it off...into the trash it went (Thanks for fishing it out Jared, haha). That brings us to today which hasn't been too exciting. He's just been jumping off the coffee table and climbing on things, the usual. Thank goodness cause I need a break from the naughtiness!



I have a kindergartener...eek!

It's official. Jared is in KINDERGARTEN!!!! He started his very first day of school yesterday.

This is us in front of his school!

It's really strange without him here....Russell isn't as naughty. Russell and Wylee have actually been getting along pretty well, they were really nice to each other yesterday and they sort of behaved at the store. Most of you already read Wylee's quotes yesterday but the family members that haven't here they are:

When we dropped Jared off, Big Jared asked Wylee what she was going to do without Jared all day and she said, "I don't know...I'm really gonna miss Jared" (sad voice). It was so sweet.

While in the Sonic parking lot (imagine that) Wylee saw a schoolbus and yelled, "I see a school bus!!! I bet Jared is on that school bus!!!"

While leaving Wal-Mart Wylee saw a green VW Bug (Jared always yells slugbug bingo) so we took a picture of it to show Jared when he got home.

After leaving Costco Wylee asked me if they were good at the store. I said they were only a little bit good at Wal-Mart but they were really good at Costco. She started thinking really hard (she was making a "thinking really hard face") and then she told me "I'm sorry that we were so crazy at Wal-Mart, my head thought the cart was a playground....but I guess it wasn't" (said in a really sad voice).

After we got done running errands we had lunch and then Russell napped while Wylee and I watched Hello Kitty in my room. It was so relaxing!! Then When Russell woke up they worked on a welcome home sign for big brother.

This is our family. Russell is black, I'm red and I'm holding Wyatt, Jared is yellow, Big Jared is blue and Wylee is green. After I took this picture she added belly buttons to all of us. Jared tweaked it when he got home.

I was so excited to hear alllll about Jared's first day of school...and I had to drag every detail out of him. He made a friend at lunch but he can't remember his name, they went to the library, they sang 2 songs, he colored. He played on the playground with our neighbor Jace. And that was it. Magical. Today he decided to ride the bus to school, and he will ride it home as well!! I can't believe it. Kindergarten.

All those things I said that maybe Russell wouldn't do (while he looked so sweet sleeping next to me)...I was wrong, he did them, all of them. If I never have to clean wet toilet paper off of my walls again it will be a miracle. Saturday I had a candle burning in the bathroom while we had company over, Gunner blew the candle out and ran outside. Britanie found Russell on the counter, feet in the sink, wet of course and candle wax EVERYWHERE! Most of it is still there. I haven't come up with an easy way to clean it up yet. I scraped a lot of it off but its still pretty soft so it doesn't come up well and I don't want to scratch the counter up. He did lots of other little mischievous things last week but I was really bad about writing them down, and I can't rely on my brain to remember them. He's a stinker, end of story :)

Boy: noise with dirt on it.

I saw this on pinterest last night and it was fitting for today's post.

Russell is straight up noise with dirt on him. He wore me out yesterday. Actually, all the kids did. We had a bonus kid Tuesday night and all day yesterday, Gunner had a sleepover with us. I think all 4 kids changed their clothes 3 times yesterday. I guess there's just something about a little mud in the yard that a kid can't resist, especially Russell.

While we were at dinner with Dallas, Britanie, and my mom last night I gathered some valuable intel from Gunner. The kids played outside almost all day yesterday (probably why they're still asleep at 7:30). They jumped on the trampoline, played in the water hose, even though I told them not to, they played on the swing set, they explored, they dug in the mud I assume....they were covered in it. They peed outside...Britanie had to stop Wylee from POOPING outside on the driveway...they were busy kids. Anyways, at dinner gunner tells me that Russell drank mud water. I said, "I'm not surprised" then I said, "Wait, where did he get the mud water?". Gunner tells me that Jared made the mud water for him, and then Jared pipes in and tells me that he ALSO caught some ANTS and put them in the water. Ants. So Jared had Russell drink muddy ant water. AND THEN I found out this morning that after he drank some they dumped it on his head. I don't know whether to call this payback or karma, or maybe its both. All I know is an ant can't be good for the belly. Britanie has a good feeling that if she hadn't stopped Wylee from pooping on the driveway that there is a good chance that would have come into play as well.

Wyatt woke me up at 6 for a bottle this morning and decided he wasn't going back to sleep. As I was making the bottle I thought to myself how Russell must have slept in his bed all night long. I laid back down and rolled over to pet Caine....and then I thought I was squishing Britches because there was some rustling behind my pillow....and I found this:

I had no idea he was in bed with me, could have been for an hour...maybe it was all night. No clue.

I actually love it when Russell climbs into bed with us. He is so sweet looking when he's asleep. So sweet that it gives me hope that maybe today he won't soak everyone with the hose while jump on the trampoline. Or maybe he won't cover his fingers with mud and then wipe it on some one's back. Maybe, just maybe, we can make it through the day without him pulling Wylee's hair, throwing wet toilet paper on the wall, pinching the baby or head butting Baby Jared. Dream big, right? Its ok...Russell will be Russell.

 Well we didn't fall asleep before him this Sunday, but he woke up before we did :/

Goof ball.

Hmm I got in trouble for doing this 5 minutes ago but maybe the second time will be different.

This is one of his favorite things to do....he clips it on his ears and his eyebrows too! Creeps me out.

I'm pretty sure he was about to take flight.

We told him to go pack a bag so he could go to New Mexico with Poppa...This is what he came back with.