Just a little note...

Just a little note for the 4 that made a mother:

I can't imagine that 20 years from now I will remember very many days like today. I feel like I will have filtered through my memories and subconsciously decided to recall only the best of the best. You're going to grow up and probably have babies of your very own. Babies that you will love bigger than you have ever loved anything in your life. You will understand the magnitude behind each and every single "I love you" that ever came out of my mouth, and I mean EVER. You will understand that I really DO NOT have a favorite child and I'm keeping it a secret. If you're anything like me at all then you will finally realize that you're parents were always right, even if you were sure that they were wrong. Your kids will break your heart in good ways and in sad ways (only sometimes). And that still won't matter because you couldn't stop loving them even if you tried.
  Jared and Wylee, you two make us so proud. I love that you both LOVE school, and you are both just so smart. We've been watching old home movies of the two of you when you were only 2 and 1. I was a brand new mom and I had no idea what I was doing but you guys taught me real quick! You won't remember those years but trust me, you enjoyed them, we have proof. As toddlers, you were both easy on me.....remind Russell and Wyatt to thank the both of you for that.
  Russell and Wyatt, you two boys have worn me out in so many different ways that I can't even keep track. The messes that you make somehow still surprise me even though they shouldn't, at all. You are both fearless and brave and confident which I guess is good because I worry enough for all of us. I've had people stop me at stores while y'all are being crazy and sweetly smile while they tell me that one day I will miss even these hectic moments at the grocery store that always end up in one of the 3 of us crying. I used to not believe those people, but I would politely nod and smile and agree with them. But the truth is, I already miss these days and they're right in front of me. Those days are NOW and I want to stop time. I want to keep all four of you just the way you are forever because these days turn into weeks before I even realize what hit me. I've been in survival mode for years. And now it feels like, without even missing a beat, that all I can see is the day that you will all leave our home and here I'll sit. Just me, my not yet filtered memories, and probably like 5 dogs...impatiently waiting for your daddy to get home from work. I used to ask for a day to myself for my birthday and I would long to just sit on the couch and watch something that didn't come on the Disney channel. Then the day would fly by and I would feel refreshed. Now all I think about is how Russell starts kindergarten next year and I'll only have Wyatt left at home with me. I can't even bring myself to do the math to figure out what year Wyatt starts school. I don't want to know. Days like today used to make me dream about the day that all 4 of you would be in school all day. The house would stay clean for a few hours in a row and there would be some peace and quiet around here. Now, days like today make me hope and pray that when your small children are giving back what you gave me that I'll have really good advice for you. All I can say is "just dance in the koolaid, too" (thanks Sister Downing) because parenting is HARD and it will always be hard, that will never change. We can change how we see the crazy moments, though. It doesn't mean that you won't break down and feel defeated every once in a while but at least it won't happen as often. Let your kids eat off the floor, 5 second rule. Buy a lot of Lysol. Don't buy a new car when you have small kids....it will no doubt turn into a rolling happy meal. Wait until they can get at least 95% of their food in their own mouths and then treat yourself. We still aren't at that point yet but I do look forward to the day that we don't find food in every crevice of our car. Then again I'm sure it'll make me cry to have a clean car and I'll just throw a box of fries over my shoulder in your honor. Then I'll take the lid off of a sprite and just dump it out. Splash some on the windows, maybe.
  All I know is this, you all have every piece of my heart and soul. I don't want you to ever grow up. I want our family to be the way it is forever because I can't imagine not having a toddler in my home anymore. These days are hard and stressful and so stinking exhausting, but they are every bit as great as the other days. When you all fall asleep and I have a minute to think about our day I just want to keep you all right in these moments. Thank you for choosing me to be your mom. I won't always measure up but I can promise you that I will give it my all. I look forward to later seasons in our lives and I know without a doubt that we are going to have so much fun together, whether you like it or not! Sweet dreams my little loves.